A Running List of Thoughts I’d Have if I Could Afford to Pee at MSG

(Editor’s note: Ex-Knickerblogger and kickass journalist Sydney Bauer has blessed us with a guest post. Take it away, Sydney!)

On StubHub right nowm the cheapest ticket for Game 3 is going for around $4,900. If you have a friend or a family member who happen to be Knicks fans and want to actually witness this titanic tilt in person, you will need $10,000 at least—plus any and all applicable fees, natch. 

To my eternal shame, as a freelance writer and barista, who does not currently make much money, I regret to inform you that I do not have a spare ten grand laying around.

James Dolan should thank his lucky stars this is so, 

If you’ve read the news about the Knicks in the last two months, you’ll know James Dolan has turned MSG into his own personal surveillance state. And you’ll know that he uses his in-house Stasi to monitor enemies of the current Knicks regime. 

I happen to have something in common with one of Mr. Dolan’s perceived enemies, and it’s a big one: We are both transgender women and so when we need to pee, we use the women’s restroom. Because we are both women.

While I do not believe going to Madison Square Garden would warrant the perverse flattery of having every bit of my movements tracked, there is a small part of me that is incredibly vain. 

Full discloser, I’ve imagined what having spies tail me would be like, and the thoughts that’d be running through my head if I were to come under the personal scrutiny of John Eversole, Dolan’s confidante and head of security. 

Eversole, per Wired, was obsessed with one trans woman in particular, misgendering her and stalking her for the crime of… being a Knicks fan and paying to see the team at Madison Square Garden. Heavens to Betsy, what if the MSG broadcast actually filmed her in the stands and blasted those images out to an audience of millions. No, way. That was a nonstarter for this organization. Really.

So in honor of blogging being BACK for the 2026 NBA Finals, here’s a running list of thoughts that’d pop into my head if I could afford to go to MSG for Game 3. This blog also presumes that I would need to use the women’s room after having exactly three (3) $25 dollar beers, which in this fantasy world I am able to purchase without regret. 

• “Sometimes I wonder what it says about society when lines for the women’s room aren’t as long as lines for the men’s room in sporting events and if I’m happy about that makes me a bad feminist because we should have more universal access to restrooms that do not promote crowding and choke points instead of thinking about how men finally have to face some minor hardship when they have to pee.”
• “Whoever used this toilet seat before me kept it nice and warm. Thank you, ma’am.”
• “Mitch really needs to keep the fouls down in the second half. Kat is going to play less, because Wemby has a harder time drifting away from Mitch to create a double on the ball handler, and we need to be net neutral or positive on the Wemby minutes.”
• “Mike Brown is a step ahead of me on coaching changes in this series which makes sense because I am not a professional NBA coach.”
• “Hi John, I’m taking a few seconds longer because I had three beers in the first half.”
• “God, Jalen Brunson has been electric this playoffs.”
• “I should really check the train schedule for later tonight when I back. Does Metro North consider the Finals a holiday?”
• “I am at an NBA Finals game! Ten year old me is screaming right now.”
• “I wonder what the Knicks could get for the 31st overall pick? I think that’s the most ‘do not trade’ asset we have, which could have so much value we can extract.”
• “Remember Rokas Jokubaitis?”
• “How’s the family doing John? Sorry, I need a few more seconds in here, the bathroom, which I am using, as you well know.”
• “Fuck, I forgot my lipstick. I really should touch up my lips.”
• “KD, do you regret not coming to the Knickssssss?”
• “You think Jeremy Sochan plays a role in Game 4? Feels like we’re due for a burst of him getting double digits off the bench in a game that most didn’t expect, but would allow us to go super small when the benches are playing and really allow McBride, Shamet and Bridges to drain some catch and shoot 3s forcing Wemby back into the game earlier than the Spurs would hope.”
• “Alright, let’s wrap it up here, Sydney.””
• “I can’t believe my Dad was here for Game 7 in 1970. And now I’m here for a game in 2026. Time: It’s linear!”
• “Okay, I need another beer.”
• “Let’s go Knicks.”
• “I’m going to wash my hands for 45 seconds to really skew your results, John! Hi John!”