Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Monday, June 27, 2016

Author: Jim Cavan

Beyond his KnickerBlogger roots, Jim's work has appeared at ESPN.com, Grantland, The Classical, and the New York Times. He is currently working on a biography of Robert Silverman, entitled "Clownin' and Astoundin.'" Follow him on Twitter @JPCavan.

Recent Articles

Warriors Historically Great, Knicks Not

I’ve just crossed the threshold of the Warriors’ locker room, and the first thing I see is Klay Thompson pissing on an orange and blue foam finger. This, one half the Splash Brothers later claims, was ripped off the helpless hand of a sobbing five-year-old fan. Ruthless, yes, but a breed part and parcel with Golden State’s maraudic march. “Get that action!” Draymond Green eggs his teammate from a corner locker, whipping his dick around like an unknotted lasso. “More like Badison Square Garbage!” Such was the din of destruction that befell the New York Knicks Sunday night, with the …continue reading

A Little Over 16 Hours With Kristaps Porzingis

Happy Friday, Istas. As some of you know, I’m over at The Cauldron now. Follow us / give us page views / feed my dog. Anyway, I wrote this thing about spending 16 fictitious hours with Kristaps Porzingis. It’s a great way to kill 20 minutes of your Friday. That’s pretty much it. Hoping to rattle off a few more recaps down the stretch, so this won’t look so much like the shameless plug it is. Jah Bless, Jim

Magcsi 10000 knicKs 991

Alook. If the Knicksand the Magi care gonna get all drunk to play BASKETBALL, thn I’MGONNA get drunk to RITE THE RECAPP. Fairs fair. FASIRS FAR. Bsides AVERYONE s drunkk tonight!!!!! TSI THNKSGIVING! Jst dont drivewhateveryado. Don’t DO IT. CAasll acab or ubar ora whaeveer. an happy THKANKSGIVANG. DONPT’ BRINGS UP BEAN CARSON AT THE DIANNER TIBABLE! New York Knicks 91 Final Recap | Box Score 100 Orlando Magic Kristaps Porzingis, PF 36 MIN | 3-13 FG | 0-4 3FG | 4-6 FT | 8 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 6 BLK | 2 TO | 10 …continue reading

Knicks 93, Thunder 90

Editor’s Note: Following Friday’s far-too-nerve-racking win over the Oklahoma City Thunder, Knickerblogger was given exclusive access to rookie sensation and newly crowned Latvian Dictator for Life Kristaps Porzingis. By “exclusive,” of course, we mean “a battalion of Knicks PR supervised the interview with sniper rifles trained on my skull at all times.” Nevertheless, we were able to translate Zinger’s PR-savvy English — solid as it was — into Latvian, and then back into English again. The result is an unfiltered account of New York’s hair-raising win, from the perspective of the franchise’s once and future savior. New York Knicks 93 …continue reading

Zen and the Art of Triangle Maintenance

Hi! Jim here. It’s been a while. I once had a life and no kids. Now I have a kid and no life. Funny how that works. Anyway, I’ll hopefully be back up around these parts for semi-regular recaps and whatnot. In the meantime, Mike said I should be linking out to Knicks-related stuff I’m writing for other sites. So here’s something I wrote for The Cauldron (which you should definitely follow) about Phil Jackson teaching the Knicks the triangle. I’ll let you decide if it actually happened or not. Here’s the link. And here’s The Cauldron again. <3 u …continue reading

Mavs 110, Knicks 108: Off the Rock Quarry

EDITOR’S NOTE: After a tumultuous stint with his hometown Knicks, Metta World Peace was waived today (along with Beno Udrih). Being the gentleman he is, Metta left a letter in each of the Knicks’ lockers. (He did not.) Dallas Mavericks 110 Final Recap | Box Score 108 New York Knicks Amar’e Stoudemire, PF 20 MIN | 3-5 FG | 3-3 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 9 PTS | -8 Hebrew National, Must feel good to start for once, I know the injuries and stuff have been frustrating. You …continue reading