Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Author: Jim Cavan

Beyond his KnickerBlogger roots, Jim's work has appeared at ESPN.com, Grantland, The Classical, and the New York Times. He is currently working on a biography of Robert Silverman, entitled "Clownin' and Astoundin.'" Follow him on Twitter @JPCavan.

Recent Articles

Mavs 110, Knicks 108: Off the Rock Quarry

EDITOR’S NOTE: After a tumultuous stint with his hometown Knicks, Metta World Peace was waived today (along with Beno Udrih). Being the gentleman he is, Metta left a letter in each of the Knicks’ lockers. (He did not.) Dallas Mavericks 110 Final Recap | Box Score 108 New York Knicks Amar’e Stoudemire, PF 20 MIN | 3-5 FG | 3-3 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 9 PTS | -8 Hebrew National, Must feel good to start for once, I know the injuries and stuff have been frustrating. You …continue reading

Knicks 117, Nuggets 90: Low Key in Sochi

EDITOR’S NOTE: As most of you probably noticed, Clyde was not on booth duty for tonight’s game, having left yesterday to attend the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Afghanistan. However, he did manage to compose an email for every Knick that suited up. They arrived by giant water-borne Popov bottle just moments ago. Denver Nuggets 90 Final Recap | Box Score 117 New York Knicks Carmelo Anthony, SF 33 MIN | 12-21 FG | 3-3 FT | 3 REB | 2 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 3 TO | 31 PTS | +18 Tyson Chandler, C 23 MIN …continue reading

Knicks 117, Cavs 86: Letters to David

EDITOR’S NOTE: Tonight was David Stern’s final Knicks game as NBA Commissioner. A few hours before tipoff, the Knicks were asked to write a short letter to Stern highlighting some of the ways the outgoing chief had touched their lives over the years. These are their letters. Cleveland Cavaliers 86 Final Recap | Box Score 117 New York Knicks Carmelo Anthony, SF 30 MIN | 8-17 FG | 10-12 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 2 TO | 29 PTS | +9 Yo Commish, It’s been great working with you. When I …continue reading

Knicks 125, Bobcats 96: The Ecstasy of Victory

Charlotte Bobcats 96 Final Recap | Box Score 125 New York Knicks Beno Udrih, PG 7 MIN | 1-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 2 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 3 PTS | -8 Look man, I know you and coach haven’t been on the best terms or anything. But I can see why you’d wanna be traded. It’s tough here. We just want you to be happy. “We” meaning me and Destiny over here. Beno, this is Destiny. Destiny, show Beno your teeth. They glow in the dark! I’ve never …continue reading

Pacers 117 STOP Knicks 89 STOP

Editor’s Note: Our humble correspondent originally planned on filing a game recap in the traditional manner, i.e. on the internet and mildly under the influence. However, the technological infrastructure of Indiana made this impossible: The state is run by a cadre of Amish warlords, and most residents believe technology of any kind — cars, televisions, most hand tools — to be Satan reincarnate. Thus, this recap was filed by rather strange means: a barely functioning Siemens telex telegraph machine located in a Bankers Life Field House utility closet, a rotting wood hulk covered in dust and cobwebs, with heavily-used keys …continue reading

Knicks 102, Heat 92: PRANKS

Miami Heat 92 Final Recap | Box Score 102 New York Knicks Andrea Bargnani, PF 42 MIN | 9-13 FG | 1-1 FT | 5 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 1 BLK | 0 TO | 19 PTS | +4 HOW HE PLAYED: For a guy who purportedly “forgot” the Knicks were playing the Heat tonight, Bargs was spectacularly efficient in the half-court, leveraging his mid-range game with timely aplomb – even if he’s often so homed-in that he misses wide open cutter(s). The defense was, once again, a stew of spoiled dog meat and New Coke. …continue reading