Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Author: Jeremy Conlin

Jeremy Conlin has been blogging about the NBA since 2031, the same year he discovered time travel. He has traveled to every non-glacial continent and hated one of them, but in the interest of national security has been asked not to divulge that information.

Recent Articles

Spurs 109, Knicks 95: The ‘Bockers Are Hot Garbage Who Can’t Even Play Against The Shell Of A Team And Should Be Forced To Disband Before They Hurt My Soul Again.

New York Knicks 95 FinalRecap | Box Score 109 San Antonio Spurs Amar’e Stoudemire, PF 17 MIN | 4-6 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 8 PTS | -5AMAR’E STOUDEMIRE is an anagram of A STEADIER MORE UM. How the mighty have fallen. A half-dozen years ago, Amar’e would have shredded a depleted San Antonio front court like a hot knife through gefilte fish. Now, he gets outplayed by the likes of Matt Bonner and Boris Diaw. Each game the Knicks play is progressively more perplexing. …continue reading

Pistons 98, Knicks 95; Knicks Lose To Winless Team – Retroactively Forfeit All Previous Wins, 1973, 1970 NBA Titles

With their win tonight, the Pistons pick up their first victory of the season, leaving just the Sixers and Lakers as the only winless teams, so that’s a big feather in the Knicks’ cap. With their loss, the Knicks sit at 2-3 and have lost two consecutive games. If that trend continues for the rest of the season, they will finish at 2-80, which will be the worst record in NBA history (assuming the Sixers and Lakers eventually win three games). Here’s what happened: New York Knicks 95 FinalRecap | Box Score 98 Detroit Pistons Carmelo Anthony, SF 39 MIN …continue reading

The Knicks and The Lakers and Phil Jackson and Terrible Basketball and Wood Finish and Holy Crap This Team Is The Worst

On Tuesday afternoon, I started bouncing ideas around for a post about the whole symmetry of Phil Jackson taking over the Knicks and then the Knicks and Lakers playing on national TV at a time when the Lakers seem to be aggressively tanking while the Knicks ride a semi-hot streak trying to grab a playoff spot that once seemed like a complete pipe dream. I figured I’d make some parallel between the NBA’s two signature franchises moving in opposite directions – the Lakers experiencing their worst season since the mid-70s, and possibly the worst season since they’ve been in Los …continue reading

Pistons 96, Knicks 85 – Everyone Gets F’s

Everyone gets an F tonight because I was forced to watch this terrible game instead of LeBron dropping 61 points on Charlotte. Plus, they really deserve it given how they played. But still, even if they had ended up winning, they all get F’s. I’m not here to make friends. New York Knicks 85 Final Recap | Box Score 96 Detroit Pistons Amar’e Stoudemire, PF 32 MIN | 9-11 FG | 4-4 FT | 6 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 22 PTS | -5 I don’t care if this might have …continue reading

Trail Blazers 94, Knicks 90: #FunFacts

Portland Trail Blazers 94 Final Recap | Box Score 90 New York Knicks Carmelo Anthony, SF 40 MIN | 11-28 FG | 3-3 FT | 8 REB | 0 AST | 1 STL | 2 BLK | 1 TO | 26 PTS | -13 Fact: The human race put men on the moon before they had the idea to put wheels on suitcases. This fact is both a testament to man’s ingenuity (the MOON!) and man’s stupidity (seriously, how did they not think to put wheels on suitcases?), and represents the type of game Carmelo Anthony had tonight. He started …continue reading

Knicks-Raptors Preview: ACCIDENTALLY GOOD VERSUS ACCIDENTALLY BAD

The New York Knickerbockers look to wash the bad taste of Christmas out of their mouth with a home-and-home against the Toronto Raptors this Friday and Saturday. The Raptors don’t seem particularly interested in winning games this year, but the joke’s on them because they’re winning games anyway – they’re 5-3 since trading Rudy Gay at the beginning of December. To prepare for two games in such short proximity, I enlisted the help of Blake Murphy – resident Canadian, Editor at TheScore, and a contributor to Raptors Republic, our TrueHoop sister site. The two of us exchanged a few emails …continue reading

I’m Sorry, Knicks Fans – I Wish I Could Help

Back in July, when I joined the team here, I wrote a strange introduction about how exactly to write about the Knicks when you aren’t a Knicks fan. It’s a rather odd place to be in, simply because the Knicks’ blogosphere is so vastly different from that of every other team. To put it simply, there are just so many bloggers that are so passionate, and knowledgeable about the Knicks, it feels vaguely wrong to be voicing opinions that aren’t rooted in that same passion. Put it this way: let’s say your friend has a kid. You know the kid …continue reading