The Bench Needs a Nickname

Following Monday night’s come-from-behind win over the Yao-less Rockets, the first win over Houston in five years no less, Alan Hahn drops this little nugget in Tuesday morning’s Newsday.

Chandler’s 18 points off the bench, however, bolstered yet another strong offensive showing by the Knicks’ reserves, who totaled 52 points. The corps is begging for a nickname. It was the fourth straight game the bench scored more than 50 points.

I think a bench nickname is a pretty good idea. This team, especially the bench, has grown on me enough to warrant some sort of nickname. What do you all think about a nickname for the bench?

One idea that came to mind is “the bum-proof bench.” It’s got a nice beat and you can dance to it. Actually, it’s a takeoff on Mike Davis’s quip about postmodern urban architecture, where ostensibly public benches are designed to be impossibly uncomfortable for sitting, or in the case of the homeless, for sleeping.

Mike D’Antoni’s bench has not been made for sitting much this year. Although D’Antoni has played to type with his notoriously short rotations, lots of players have shuffled in and out of the starting lineup for a variety of reasons. The Knicks are essentially playing without the roster spots technically being filled by Marbury, Curry, and James. The latter two, the players thought least well-suited for D’Antoni’s offense, haven’t played because of poor conditioning, injury, and in Curry’s case personal misfortune and family tragedy. Really, Malik Rose is the only classic DNP-CD-type left on the bench.

A Bum-proof bench in New York?
New York's Bum-Proof Bench

Of course, there is the matter of whether Jared Jeffries, who currently comes off the bench, is a bum. Given his minutes and theoretical role (i.e., size on the perimeter and overall defensive versatility) I wouldn’t call him a bum, especially when he plays short minutes. I may, however, be in the minority on that.

“Bum-proof bench” is just one man’s idea. What do you guys think? In a display of good netiquette, you might drop by Hahn’s blog, The Knicks Fix, one of my favorites among the traditional media types, to share your ideas with him directly.

Liked it? Take a second to support DCrockett17 on Patreon!


Part-time blogger on the Knicks at and Seahawks at In my free time I hang out at the University of South Carolina and occasionally fill thirsty young minds with knowledge about various and sundry things related to consumer behavior and marketing.

3 thoughts to “The Bench Needs a Nickname”

  1. Not to rain on the idea that our bench is awesome or anything, but how about “The worst bench $110 million can buy”. With Marbury, Curry, James, Mobley, and Rose comprising half the “bench” it’s sort of hard to divorce them from the few guys who actually earn their (paltry by comparison) paychecks.

    The NY Post puts Curry and Murbury’s contribution into perspective:

    “The Knicks will likely have to pay Curry and Marbury $30 million this season for two minutes and 38 seconds. That comes down to $189,873 dollars per second for the duo.”

    The Knicks’ bench is comprised of exactly the kind of people that post-modern architects want to keep from sleeping on their parks…

Comments are closed.