|Amar’e Stoudemire, PF 17 MIN | 4-6 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 8 PTS | -5AMAR’E STOUDEMIRE is an anagram of A STEADIER MORE UM.
How the mighty have fallen. A half-dozen years ago, Amar’e would have shredded a depleted San Antonio front court like a hot knife through gefilte fish. Now, he gets outplayed by the likes of Matt Bonner and Boris Diaw.
Each game the Knicks play is progressively more perplexing. Just when you think they can’t fall any lower, they get blown out by the shell of a Spurs team. The “Um…..” response to this team grows nightly, and so: A Steadier More Um.
|Quincy Acy, SF 25 MIN | 3-6 FG | 2-2 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 8 PTS | +4QUINCY JYROME ACY is an anagram of A QUINCE CRY MY JOY.
For those of you who don’t know, the quince is the sole member of the genus Cydonia in the family Rosaceae (which also contains apples and pears, among other fruits). It is a small deciduous tree that bears a pome fruit, similar in appearance to a pear, and bright golden-yellow when mature. Throughout history the cooked fruit has been used as food, but the tree is also grown for its attractive pale pink blossom and other ornamental qualities. Or at least that’s what Wikipedia says.
Like at most funerals, you may present the hosts with flowers or gifts of fruit baskets, but all that’s going to do is make someone cry: A Quince Cry My Joy.
|Jose Calderon, PG 25 MIN | 1-4 FG | 0-0 FT | 4 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 2 PTS | -13JOSE CALDERON is an anagram of CAJOLED SEÑOR.
Calderon is a man of Spanish decent (hence, “señor”). He has to be talked into being apart of this slow-motion train-wreck of a Knicks team through what in the end really amounts to bribery. Jose deserves better than to have his talents wasted on this terrible team: Cajoled Señor
|Iman Shumpert, SG 30 MIN | 2-6 FG | 4-5 FT | 5 REB | 6 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 5 TO | 8 PTS | +1IMAN SHUMPERT is an anagram of MAN IRE THUMPS.
“Man” – A male human.
I don’t even need to make a joke here. Man Ire Thumps.
|Tim Hardaway Jr., SG 29 MIN | 9-18 FG | 1-2 FT | 3 REB | 2 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 23 PTS | -14TIM HARDAWAY JUNIOR is an anagram of A RAJAH DIMWIT URN YO.
It’s perfect. Explaining it would gild the lily. A Rajah Dimwit Urn Yo.
|Travis Wear, SF 20 MIN | 3-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 6 PTS | +5TRAVIS WEAR is an anagram of WAIVERS RAT.
Because on any other team (save for the Sixers), he’d be on the waiver wire. Waivers Rats.
|Samuel Dalembert, C 15 MIN | 1-4 FG | 0-0 FT | 6 REB | 0 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 2 TO | 2 PTS | -17SAMUEL DALEMBERT is an anagram of A BALLET DEEMS RUM.
Imagine what a ballet would look like if all the dancers were blackout drunk. That’s what it’s like to watch Samuel Dalembert try to make rotations against a San Antonio offense or boot a ball out of bounds because, you know, he can’t bend over. A Ballet Deems Rum.
|Jason Smith, C 19 MIN | 5-10 FG | 4-4 FT | 1 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 14 PTS | -19JASON SMITH is an anagram of SHAM IN JOTS.
I’m not quite sure what that means, but it contains the word “sham.” Everything about this season has been a sham. And “jots” looks kind of like “jorts,” and the only thing that could salvage this season would be a Josh Harrellson signing. Sham In Jots.
|Cole Aldrich, C 16 MIN | 4-7 FG | 2-2 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 3 TO | 10 PTS | +5COLE ALDRICH is an anagram of CHILLED ORCA.
Cole Aldrich is a beached whale on a basketball court. If only they’d Free our own personal Willy. See what I did there? Moving on… Chilled Orca.
|Shane Larkin, PG 25 MIN | 2-3 FG | 2-2 FT | 3 REB | 4 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 6 PTS | -10SHANE LARKIN is an anagram of KAHN LA RISEN.
The only way to clean up this team would be to dump a bunch of riff-raff on a team run by David Kahn. Regretfully, no team in the league is currently run by David Kahn, or if Phil Jackson is actually part of a race of 22nd century eugenics. Cap’n Kirk’s with me here. Yet. Kahn La Risen.
|Pablo Prigioni, PG 20 MIN | 3-7 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 2 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 8 PTS | -7PABLO PRIGIONI is an anagram of BIPOLAR PIG ION.
Through all of the despair, Pablo is the one guy that makes me happy, even if he played like a ADD-addled child that someone mistakenly allowed to drink coffee tonight. Bipolar Pig Ion.
|Carmelo Anthony, SF DNP SORE LEFT KNEE MIN | FG | FT | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TO | PTS | CARMELO ANTHONY is an anagram of ANARCHY LEMON TO.
|J.R. Smith, SG DNP HEEL INJURY MIN | FG | FT | REB | AST | STL | BLK | TO | PTS | EARL JOSEPH SMITH is an anagram of ARMPITS HEEL JOSH.
DEREK FISHER is an anagram of DEFER HE IRKS.
That’s it. Oh yeah. Right there. You know what I like, baby.
Three Things We Saw
- HOT GARBAGE is an anagram of BAA THE GROG
- NEW YORK KNICKS is an anagram of ROCKY NEW KINKS
- SELF IMMOLATION is an anagram of LEAF LIMITS MONO