It’s Official! New York Knicks Trade Carmelo Anthony Rumors To New Jersey

In a bold move, the New York Knicks have traded the rumors that Carmelo Anthony would play for their team to the New Jersey Nets. “We’ve been working on this for a long time,” said Knicks President Donnie Walsh “and it’s a deal that helps both teams.” New York agreed to ship rumors that Carmelo Anthony would play for the Knicks to New Jersey, a team starved for back-page news. To sweeten the deal, New York added the possibility of Chauncy Billups and Richard Hamilton into the pot. In return the Nets will send 3 cases of Four Loko, and New York now has the rights to say they drafted Evan Eschmeyer in the 1999 draft instead of Frederic Weis.

“All the stars threaten to go to New York when negotiations with their team go sour,” said Jan from Secaucus. “For once we need the excitement and hope that kind of move makes here in New Jersey more than they do.” Other Net fans weren’t as happy. Brian from Hoboken commented, “We really don’t need this. We’re fine with the news as is. You know – Chris Christie botching the snow job while vacationing in Disney, the New Jersey Racing Bill. Add in the Arizona shooting, and we have plenty to talk about.”

Meanwhile for the Knicks, this trade frees up their fans to wildly fantasize about other superstars in the league, and bash the guy they were touting as a franchise savior just days before. “Carmelo is just another empty scorer with no defense,” said Jon from Manhattan. “He can’t play for D’Antoni without being able to knock down the three. Instead we need a top center like Dwight Howard to pair with Amar’e.”

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Mike Kurylo

Mike Kurylo is the founder and editor of His book on the 2012 Knicks, "We’ll Always Have Linsanity," is on sale now. Follow him on twitter (@KnickerBlogger).

10 thoughts to “It’s Official! New York Knicks Trade Carmelo Anthony Rumors To New Jersey”

  1. Good satire, Mike.

    Two points that experts continuously fail to mention related to the business side of this equation are as follows IMO:

    1) The perceived benefits of Melo signing a contract prior to a new CBA are vastly over stated. Were the NBA to institute lower caps and/or a lower salary scale to save the $700 Million Stern has repeatedly said is necessary to get the NBA’s (owners) business back to relative profitability it would have to include rollbacks on current contracts. You can’t have say 70% of the league playing on an economic scale weighted towards a CBA that is outdated and 30% of the league playing under new contracts geared towards a new agreement. Players that are FAs after this season would be overly penalized for the simple fact that there contracts were expiring. That would not work. So the idea that if Melo signs now he is “safe” from the implications of the new CBA can’t be true. All players would have to be playing on the same scale.

    2) If I am wrong on point “1” and somehow the players agree that members of their own union get compensated under different guidelines then Melo (if he refuses to sign an extension with a new team or the Nuggets) still holds leverage in maintaining a higher salary on the scale for one additional year because his contract is a player option for the 2011-2012 season. Thus, he could exercise his option to stay in his contract and get paid, I think, $18Million on the old scale before his contract expires and he is subject to the new CBA. Now that might not add to up to $65 Million but one would have to think it wouldn’t be too far off as I can’t see the top end players in the league taking too big a haircut on this as they seem to be the ones that are most fairly compensated under the current agreement whereas the second tier and MLE players are the ones who are overpaid.

    Feel free to refute. Interested in whether people think that makes a difference or if Melo is even aware.

  2. And there was much rejoicing amongst Knicks fans who actually analyze stats.

    I LOL’ed at: “…New York now has the rights to say they drafted Evan Eschmeyer in the 1999 draft instead of Frederic Weis.”

  3. As a “throw-in,” the knicks added a rumor that the NJ Nets will NOT be called the Brooklyn New Yorkers. They will be called the Brooklyn Deckers. Everyone knows that sex sells.

  4. “Who wouldn’t want to play in New York?” Anthony said. “I told you that last year. I think that’s how all this stuff started, by me making that comment. New York is playing well right now. I don’t think they’re looking at me, they don’t want me to come in here and mess what they have up. That’s what I’ve read.”

    Yeah, you know that Amar’e quote hit him hard.

  5. Hello everyone, I’ve long enjoyed the discussion here, so now I’ve decided to join in.
    First, as an avid Knicks fan since 1989, it’s a pleasure to watch this team after a decade of mismanagement and ghastly performance. I love the talent and youth on our roster, and am excited about the brand of basketball they bring to the court. Some initial thoughts:

    -Amare Stoudemire is a stud, period. Notwithstanding the finer points of advanced statistical analysis, he has changed the complexion of what it means to be a Knicks fan in NYC. Beyond his on-court exploits, his leadership has been EXEMPLARY–absolutely pitch-perfect.
    -Wilson Chandler is fantastic, perhaps the most underrated player in the NBA. With his improved outside shot, he’s become a complete baller: great mid-range game, can create his own shot and finish off the dribble, and can score in the post in mismatch situations. Versatile and efficient, he’s almost entirely responsible for rendering a Melo acquisition redundant and unnecessary.
    -Yes, I’ll say it: though I love Melo (I’m a ‘Cuse guy), he should not be in our plans going forward. To use draft analogy, we should prioritize team needs over “best player available”– at least through the end of the year. Like many of you, I genuinely think we’re close to competing with the elite; if, speaking immediate-term, we can acquire the RIGHT big for our system (no easy task), this team can realistically do damage this very postseason. And yes, I would trade Randolph for said big-man (Camby) if necessary. Only exceptions to above philosophy? CP3 or D12.
    -I will also participate in our collective man-crush on Landry Fields. Phenomenal B-ball IQ, polished NBA skills, consistently efficient performance–the player most evocative of the ethos of the championship teams of yore.
    -Finally, Donnie Walsh has earned my unyielding respect and trust. And, all-in-all, you can put me in the D’antoni fan-club.

    Thanks for tolerating my verbiage,…

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