Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Twas the Night Before Knicksmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The minutes are force-fed by D’Antoni with care
Just praying Chris Duhon won’t collapse from wear and tear.

The kiddies were nestled in at the end of the bench
With visions of playing, even hitting shots in a pinch.
Daddy Walsh in his kerchief, Mamma D’Antoni in her cap
Had just settled down for an early season nap.

When out of the the Garden there arose such a clatter
Walsh sprung from his nap to see what was the matter.
He got up and ran to turn on his big screen TV.
The channel was already set to get MSG.

Clyde wondered aloud who might start to percolate.
Breen was, as usual, just hating on Nate.
Jared Flippin’ Jeffries had just hit a three.
To push the Knicks forward. To thwart a big rally.

Suddenly a rooster, all of six foot and ten
Began pulling down boards and going to the tin.
Lee stuffed the stat sheet till we’d all had our fill.
Then we hit ‘em again with a dose of Ill Will.

Without a single word Walsh went straight to his cell
To see if anyone had a cap friendly player to sell.
It ain’t even New Years, better sell while they’re hot.
Jeffries may just keep ballin’ but most likely he will not.

Gotta watch my pennies. Gotta watch my pounds.
Gotta focus on this summer, when free agents abound.
The Chosen One will come to save us from this mess*.
Until then, Merry Knicksmas to all–in seven Seconds or Less!

* yeah, right.

26 comments on “Twas the Night Before Knicksmas

  1. BigBlueAL

    Just posted this in the previous thread but since we have a new thread thought I’d post this here too:

    http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?page=Heat-Knicks-091224

    Interesting preview of the Knicks-Heat Christmas day game. A little disappointed with the answers to the Beasley or Gallo question. Not that they all picked Beasley but you can tell by some of the comments that most of the analysts have never seen Gallo play, calling him just a one-trick pony (his 3-pt shooting) and saying every night the other teams attack him on defense as if they are lighting him up and the Knicks need to hide him on defense when in fact its becoming the opposite all of a sudden.

  2. jon abbey

    will tomorrow’s game actually be on MSG or ESPN in the NY area, or both? my cable system lists both, and NY is on national TV so rarely these days, I forget which one gets bumped. maybe the ESPN one is blacked out?

  3. G

    Excellent fun with “The Night Before Knicksmas.”.

    Also in the spirit of the holidays, perhaps it’s worth noting an unintentional gift (from Isaiah of all people) for Knick fans. Over the past 10 years, there almost always comes that point in the season, where you start feeling the Knicks might as well just start losing to improve our lottery chances. This happens to all teams, but to us a lot, and it’s a crappy way to be a fan. And this season, that failsafe point would have come pretty early, since we are sort of a rent-a-team, waiting for the future anyway. Except of course, this year we have no draft pick. We can just root for this (increasingly rootable) rag-tag group to win as much as possible—with no dilemma, no conflict of interest. While I’d certainly much rather have the pick, I’ll take what I can from Isaiah Clause.

    (That being said, I still want Walsh to “sell while they’re hot” for the cap space.)

  4. jon abbey

    yeah, what could be better than having no shot at John Wall? (insert proper emoticon)

    NY has 4 games left in December, 2 or more wins would give us the franchise’s first 10 win month since January 2003, when Don Chaney was the coach.

  5. ess-dog

    Merry Christmas and happy holidays Knicks fans:

    It’s only going to get better (Eddy, stay away from the chicken and stuffing!)

  6. Sandy

    I am really scared about Eddy and the holidays. They better get Phil Weber to personally monitor every single meal.

  7. Count Zero

    You guys just need to forget about Fat Eddy. How many times are you going to get your hopes up on him?

    He will never mean anything to us on the court, and he won’t be worth anything in trade until 10-11 when he is a nice expiring contract. Until then, he plays no part in anything we do. Pretend he doesn’t exist and you will be a lot happier. :-)

  8. Travis Knight Rider

    I’m going to the game tomorrow, looking forward to it as it’s my first of the season… Hopefully we can keep Wade under 50.

  9. BigBlueAL

    ESPN Classic earlier today showed Game 7 of the 2000 series vs the Heat, the last time the Knicks won a playoff series. It was an ugly game as most Knicks-Heat games were but it always had a beautiful ending for Knicks fans.

  10. Z

    With the Knicks and the Heat meeting up today, and all the talk on the last thread of LeBron and Wade wanting to play together, I’m left to wonder:

    If LeBron wants to play with Wade in front of a bunch of New Yorkers, why not just sign with the Heat?

  11. Sandy

    BigBlue AL,

    I spent my afternoon/evening flipping between that on ESPN Classic and another old Knicks game on NBA TV, the one where Kobe dropped 61 at the Garden last year but we kept is relatively close. I ended up spending most of my time on ESPN Classic :) Its a wonder I can make it through months in the summer when the Knicks don’t play.

  12. BigBlueAL

    Yeah NBATV had that game plus Lebron’s 52 pt game from last season too. I have the “History of the Knicks” DVD which has a few complete games as well as other little video about the teams history. Also I have around 12 complete games from the 1990′s playoffs of the Knicks (all games they win of course) downloaded into my laptop’s hard drive from Sport-scene.net which is a torrents website that has literally thousands of classic NBA games to download for free.

    Thankfully though during the summer I have my Yankees to watch :-) Baseball is still my favorite sport and the Yankees my favorite team but just barely ahead of basketball and the Knicks. Actually when asked what is my favorite sport/team I usually just mention both sports and teams as not to show favoritism over one or the other but baseball is what I played as a kid and I make money as an umpire so in the end I still have to slightly favor baseball and the Yankees over basketball and the Knicks but it is the slimmest margin you can have.

  13. slovene knick

    Merry Christmas everybody!!!
    It has been very strange lately. Look´s more like the 90´s.Like it!!!!!

  14. Z-man

    Nice to have you back, slovene. Life’s been good in Knickdom lately. Hopefully we won’t come crashing down to earth on national TV today!

  15. Z-man

    Great article on Jonathan Bender in the Times:

    http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/25/sports/basketball/25knicks.html?hpw

    You can’t help but root for this guy, even aside from what he can mean to the team. Based on what I’ve seen so far, his game looks similar to Gallo’s, maybe more post-up potential, less of a stroke from 3, but both very long players with more of a small-forward skillset w/o the speed…not bad having two of those!

    In fact, it’s pretty amazing how we have become a pretty long, athletic team in general, especially w/o Curry, Hill or Darko in the mix. We seem to be in a good position to trade big for small right now. Wonder if a team like Minnesota or Portland will bite…

  16. Z-man

    BTW one factor that has made the rotation look even tighter is that we seem to rarely have any games with garbage time. When was the last laugher/blowout, the Suns? I wonder if Nate will play if one happens soon…

  17. The Honorable Cock Jowles

    David,

    I’m concerned with your lack of care for metrical verse. For Christmas, I’m sending you an e-book of essays on the importance of the anapestic tetrameter and the like. The trochaic sections just aren’t working for me.

    (Just kidding! Awesome work, really made my Christmas)

    Here’s to a gift-filled offseason! Christmas comes in July this year!

  18. Kiyaman

    Merry Christmas everyone, wish all $$$$$ or happiness this New Year. LOL
    I been a long time reader on this Knick Blog
    The Christmas Day Games practically all the teams gave playingtime to 10 or more of their players, except for the Knicks.
    The Knicks gave playingtime to 7 and a half of their players.
    There’s a problem in Houston…..oops I meant in New York.
    Both rookies would’ve like to get playingtime for their family and friends on Christmas Day.
    I’m sure all six of the Knicks healthy ending contract players would’ve luv receiving some decent playingtime minutes on Christmas Day.
    I LUV a winning Knicks team, but the decade of “divided lockerroom players” or the “pet-player favoritism” or the “player vs coach episode” is getting old, and the reruns are boring.
    I dont know what your Magic-Ball predicts, but after the Christmas Day Game my Magic-Ball only predicts 2-Wins out of the next 10 Knick games…..and that’s not good.

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