Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

The Knick Are Tanking, So Let’s Get Tanked

Sorry for the lack of updates, but there seems to be little to write about. I can’t tell you how many columns I’ve started that’s ended in the waste bin. I’m not going to rehash any of the arguments I’ve made 100 times this year. I guess this team has just sucked the creativity out of me, yet again.

So for the time being, I introduce the 2008 Official “The Knick Are Tanking, So Let’s Get Tanked” Drinking Game. The game is designed so that you can somehow get through the rest of the season.

Drink Once:
Zach Randolph takes a two point jumpshot
David Lee rebound
Any opponent takes an uncontested shot from the paint
Knicks turn the ball over
Balkman misses a free throw

Drink Twice:
David Lee makes a jumpshot
Zach Randolph takes a trey
The announcers say anything regarding whether Isiah Thomas is sitting or standing
Balkman blocks a shot
At the end of any quarter if Quentin Richardson is shooting less than 50%
Mardy Collins enters the game
Jamal Crawford shoots from the paint

Drink Thrice:
Malik Rose gets his shot blocked
Nate Robinson gets an assist
Randolph Morris enters the game
Wilson Chandler blocks a shot
Balkman commits a foul
Everytime Jeffries’ point total exceeds a new multiple of 3 (so every 3,6,9,12,etc).

Drink Quice:
At the end of any quarter when the Knicks use an isolation as their last shot
The first time the Knicks are trailing by 10+ points
If you answer the trivia question wrong

Oh and drink responsibly folks.

31 comments on “The Knick Are Tanking, So Let’s Get Tanked

  1. Thomas B.

    “Any opponent takes an uncontested shot from the paint”

    We may well be dead from alcohol poisoning by the end of the 1st quarter.

  2. Brian Cronin

    It’s so funny, Mike, as I was just stopping by to also put up a “sorry for the lack of blog posts” blog entry!

    Like you, I really can’t think of anything to update about – what is there to really talk about besides the slim hope that the Knicks can tank a little further?

  3. jon abbey

    haven’t seen any of this, watched the Yankees and better hoops, but good to see us blow an 11 point lead in just 3:30 of the 4th quarter. it takes most teams much longer than that, we’re special.

  4. Ricky

    They can’t take it in OT. No chance. I left a friend’s house with 4 minutes to go, thinking that this is just one more step to losing ground in the lottery. This is like Christmas. Forget about the Yanks, I want to watch bad basketball!

  5. Ricky

    The Knicks NEVER use iso at the end of a quarter! Jamal usually takes a great shot off of a pick, feeds it inside to one of our great interior scorers or hits the open man running a curl. Nice one, Mike!

  6. Ken "The Animal" Bannister

    Donnie Walsh Press Conference – tomorrow at 1pm. Will Isiah be there?

  7. jon abbey

    ding dong, the witch may finally be dead!

    (isn’t Walsh under contract to Indiana through the end of the year? isn’t it odd/illegal for this to happen before the end of the season?)

  8. John

    Hallaluyah! Hopefully the Knicks can move forward and get back to winning. Talks of Billy King as GM scares me but as long as he checks in with walsh, it could be managed.

    Have fun collecting your fatty checks Isiah…..you’ve earned it!

  9. Mike K. (KnickerBlogger) Post author

    “The Knicks NEVER use iso at the end of a quarter! Jamal usually takes a great shot off of a pick, feeds it inside to one of our great interior scorers or hits the open man running a curl. Nice one, Mike!”

    I was shocked yesterday when they actually ran a play that began with iso & then passed the ball to an eventually wide open Nate for three. It was like they were a real team for one play.

  10. David Crockett

    JA –

    I think that since it’s been an amicable divorce from Indianapolis, one that was announced publicly, there are no rules/ethics violations to consider. No harm, no foul.

  11. Prez Ike

    Hahaha…this is very funny! Mike you’ve been really good with the humor lately. Loved the quote you made about Knick fan expectations being dashed in that discussion elsewhere.

  12. jon abbey

    DC,

    I think Indiana would have a very good case for tampering if they wanted, the initial meetings with Dolan were before Indiana announced he wasn’t coming back. I doubt they’ll pursue this, but it is worth noting that Dolan can’t even do this right.

  13. Jay Wong

    All of you Ewing haters out there. Can we say we miss now. We were contenders everyear.who cares about tanking, find the next Ewing.

Comments are closed.