Spurs 109, Knicks 95: The ‘Bockers Are Hot Garbage Who Can’t Even Play Against The Shell Of A Team And Should Be Forced To Disband Before They Hurt My Soul Again.

New York Knicks 95 FinalRecap | Box Score 109 San Antonio Spurs
Amar’e Stoudemire, PF 17 MIN | 4-6 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 8 PTS | -5AMAR’E STOUDEMIRE is an anagram of A STEADIER MORE UM.

How the mighty have fallen. A half-dozen years ago, Amar’e would have shredded a depleted San Antonio front court like a hot knife through gefilte fish. Now, he gets outplayed by the likes of Matt Bonner and Boris Diaw.

Each game the Knicks play is progressively more perplexing. Just when you think they can’t fall any lower, they get blown out by the shell of a Spurs team. The “Um…..” response to this team grows nightly, and so: A Steadier More Um.

Quincy Acy, SF 25 MIN | 3-6 FG | 2-2 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 8 PTS | +4QUINCY JYROME ACY is an anagram of A QUINCE CRY MY JOY.

For those of you who don’t know, the quince is the sole member of the genus Cydonia in the family Rosaceae (which also contains apples and pears, among other fruits). It is a small deciduous tree that bears a pome fruit, similar in appearance to a pear, and bright golden-yellow when mature. Throughout history the cooked fruit has been used as food, but the tree is also grown for its attractive pale pink blossom and other ornamental qualities. Or at least that’s what Wikipedia says.

Like at most funerals, you may present the hosts with flowers or gifts of fruit baskets, but all that’s going to do is make someone cry: A Quince Cry My Joy.

Jose Calderon, PG 25 MIN | 1-4 FG | 0-0 FT | 4 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 2 PTS | -13JOSE CALDERON is an anagram of CAJOLED SEÑOR.

Calderon is a man of Spanish decent (hence, “señor”). He has to be talked into being apart of this slow-motion train-wreck of a Knicks team through what in the end really amounts to bribery. Jose deserves better than to have his talents wasted on this terrible team: Cajoled Señor

Iman Shumpert, SG 30 MIN | 2-6 FG | 4-5 FT | 5 REB | 6 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 5 TO | 8 PTS | +1IMAN SHUMPERT is an anagram of MAN IRE THUMPS.

“Man” – A male human.
“Ire” – Anger. Plain and simple.
“Thumps” – To strike heavily with a blunt instrument.

I don’t even need to make a joke here. Man Ire Thumps.

Tim Hardaway Jr., SG 29 MIN | 9-18 FG | 1-2 FT | 3 REB | 2 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 23 PTS | -14TIM HARDAWAY JUNIOR is an anagram of A RAJAH DIMWIT URN YO.

It’s perfect. Explaining it would gild the lily. A Rajah Dimwit Urn Yo.

Travis Wear, SF 20 MIN | 3-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 6 PTS | +5TRAVIS WEAR is an anagram of WAIVERS RAT.

Because on any other team (save for the Sixers), he’d be on the waiver wire. Waivers Rats.

Samuel Dalembert, C 15 MIN | 1-4 FG | 0-0 FT | 6 REB | 0 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 2 TO | 2 PTS | -17SAMUEL DALEMBERT is an anagram of A BALLET DEEMS RUM.

Imagine what a ballet would look like if all the dancers were blackout drunk. That’s what it’s like to watch Samuel Dalembert try to make rotations against a San Antonio offense or boot a ball out of bounds because, you know, he can’t bend over. A Ballet Deems Rum.

Jason Smith, C 19 MIN | 5-10 FG | 4-4 FT | 1 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 14 PTS | -19JASON SMITH is an anagram of SHAM IN JOTS.

I’m not quite sure what that means, but it contains the word “sham.” Everything about this season has been a sham. And “jots” looks kind of like “jorts,” and the only thing that could salvage this season would be a Josh Harrellson signing. Sham In Jots.

Cole Aldrich, C 16 MIN | 4-7 FG | 2-2 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 3 TO | 10 PTS | +5COLE ALDRICH is an anagram of CHILLED ORCA.

Cole Aldrich is a beached whale on a basketball court. If only they’d Free our own personal Willy. See what I did there? Moving on… Chilled Orca.

Shane Larkin, PG 25 MIN | 2-3 FG | 2-2 FT | 3 REB | 4 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 6 PTS | -10SHANE LARKIN is an anagram of KAHN LA RISEN.

The only way to clean up this team would be to dump a bunch of riff-raff on a team run by David Kahn. Regretfully, no team in the league is currently run by David Kahn, or if Phil Jackson is actually part of a race of 22nd century eugenics. Cap’n Kirk’s with me here. Yet. Kahn La Risen.

Pablo Prigioni, PG 20 MIN | 3-7 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 2 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 8 PTS | -7PABLO PRIGIONI is an anagram of BIPOLAR PIG ION.

Through all of the despair, Pablo is the one guy that makes me happy, even if he played like a ADD-addled child that someone mistakenly allowed to drink coffee tonight. Bipolar Pig Ion.


Getting better…


Almost there….

Derek Fisher
DEREK FISHER is an anagram of DEFER HE IRKS.

That’s it. Oh yeah. Right there. You know what I like, baby.

Three Things We Saw

  1. HOT GARBAGE is an anagram of BAA THE GROG
  2. NEW YORK KNICKS is an anagram of ROCKY NEW KINKS
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Jeremy Conlin

Jeremy Conlin has been blogging about the NBA since 2031, the same year he discovered time travel. He has traveled to every non-glacial continent and hated one of them, but in the interest of national security has been asked not to divulge that information.

8 thoughts to “Spurs 109, Knicks 95: The ‘Bockers Are Hot Garbage Who Can’t Even Play Against The Shell Of A Team And Should Be Forced To Disband Before They Hurt My Soul Again.”

  1. I guarantee Cory Joseph and Tim Duncan aren’t explaining to the press that there is no riff between them. This is just horrible

  2. Btw I saw the play in question on espn. I Find it even more odd. Now. Melo jumped for the board in traffic but a Net out jumped him and had a put back. The play wasnt a case of effort, he was just out jumped. Very strange. But similar shit probably happens all The time in the NBA but not revealed.

  3. This is NOT a good time to be a Knick fan. As bad as things are now, they are going to get much worse if Carmelo feuds with the rest of the team.

  4. Now that I thought about it I think it was a bit unrealistict to expect a knicks win in this game. Aside from the obvious coaching supremacy the spurs were also the most talented team. Diaw and belinelli are probably the 2 best basketball players on the court followed by probably amare calderon prigs and corey joseph. Hard to expect a win when the other team has more talent, better coaching and playing at home

    Edit: forgot about danny green who is also probably better than anyone on the knicks

  5. Sad comment on Knicks talent acquisition when the Spurs sit their 4 best players and still blow out the Knicks. Yes I know Melo and JR sat, but still.

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