Tonight, the answer to all of the Knicks season long struggles received an answer in the form of a Minnesota born titan. With legs like twin Sequoias and arms as strong as tempered steel, this behemoth imposed his will on the mortal men that dared to challenge his dominance. I am, of course, referring to Cole “The Animal” Aldrich. The only relief the Celtics would find tonight was when coach Woodson took pity on them and sat the most dominant big man in the universe on the bench. If this Knicks team wants any hope of making something of their season, the players will need to find a way to be more like Cole.
|Carmelo Anthony, SF 39 MIN | 11-25 FG | 8-8 FT | 9 REB | 2 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 34 PTS | +13
Melo was hot early, faded a little, but still had a great game. The real question with Melo is, how will he perform for the rest of the season knowing he is the second best player on the team? Will he settle in to being the Robin to Cole’s Batman? Only time will tell.
How he can be more like Cole: Spend 16 weeks in -20 degree weather raising black bear cubs after you accidentally crushed their mother with an overenthusiastic hug.
|Cole Aldrich, C 25 MIN | 4-5 FG | 4-5 FT | 10 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 3 BLK | 1 TO | 12 PTS | +19
If I were to grade on a curve, Cole would have an A+ and everyone else would have an F. Finally he gets some extended playing time and he only does what he did in limited playing time. Rebound, play solid defense, and score at the rim. Why it took 65 games to actually play serious minutes in a game is anyone’s guess.
|Raymond Felton, PG 27 MIN | 3-7 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 4 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 3 TO | 6 PTS | +7
Meh. Felton wasn’t godawful tonight. So that’s better than average, I suppose. I shouldn’t give Ray too hard of a time, though, he has been playing well during this winning streak.
How he can be more like Cole: Eat days old fermented fish and like it. That’s a Minnesota thing, isn’t it? I may be messing up my stereotypes, but does it really matter? Eating fermented fish can’t hurt his game any.
|J.R. Smith, SG 29 MIN | 6-11 FG | 1-1 FT | 3 REB | 4 AST | 2 STL | 1 BLK | 0 TO | 13 PTS | +5
JR was looking good in the first half as the Knicks build a 20+ point lead. He faded a bit, but still had a solid game. One of these days I’m going to get to showing JR’s stats pre and post benching incident. In my mind he has been worlds better since that happened, but I may be wrong. So yeah, maybe I’ll do that tomorrow.
How he can be more like Cole: Smoke cow manure instead of whatever it is he allegedly smokes and gets suspended for. Vaporized cow manure will get you where you need to be, JR, and not show up on any drug tests. You may die, though. I really don’t know. I doubt it’s deadly. Maybe you should hold off.
|Iman Shumpert, SG 21 MIN | 3-4 FG | 0-0 FT | 3 REB | 4 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 7 PTS | +20
This team has really benefited from the return of Shump. Mind you, they have played some horrible teams in this 5 game winning streak, but seeing opposing guards taking layup drills during a game has become a bit of a thing of the past. Tonight’s efficient, yet limited, offense was an added bonus.
How he can be more like Cole: Spend 3 years in Kansas without ever once breaking down into tears, wondering why you made that horrendous decision.
|Jeremy Tyler, PF 15 MIN | 1-3 FG | 2-2 FT | 7 REB | 0 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 1 TO | 4 PTS | +1
It was pretty obvious that whenever Tyler replaced Cole, the Knicks were not better off. I like Jeremy just fine, but he really should not be getting minutes over Cole. I know, it’s only one game, but let’s give Cole plenty of minutes and see where things stand between these two. I hope that happens.
How he can be more like Cole: Overalls. Need I say more? I do? Ok, well, wear the overalls and do things that you would nomally do in overalls, like throw around hay bails and make moonshine. Don’t wear the overalls to a wedding, though. That’s just not cool, man. Very disrespectful. You know better than that, Jeremy.
|Earl Clark, SF 20 MIN | 2-5 FG | 1-2 FT | 6 REB | 1 AST | 1 STL | 2 BLK | 1 TO | 6 PTS | +22
Hey Earl! You really played 20 minutes? I don’t remember those minutes very well. I see you got yourself a bunch of rebounds and some points, though! Good on you, friend!
How he can be more like Cole: Take out a tooth. It doesn’t really matter which one, but you’ll be cooler if it is a highly visible one. Extra points if you have a cool story behind losing said tooth like, “An elephant was looking at me crossed eyed so I bit its ear”
|Pablo Prigioni, PG 19 MIN | 2-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 4 AST | 3 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 6 PTS | +12
This was a very Prigs game. Prigs is great!
How he can be more like Cole: Don’t worry about it, Pablo! Keep being you!
|Tim Hardaway Jr., SG 38 MIN | 7-11 FG | 5-6 FT | 3 REB | 0 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 22 PTS | +11
Hardaway was absolutely on fire in the first half, and in the second half was blocked and trampled by some guy who married some girl who he divorced years ago and is teased about it. After that event, he kind of disappeared. Hardaway is having a good rookie season and all, but damn, he has no idea how to do anything other than score. No assists, one steal, three rebounds in 38 minutes. Pitiful.
How he can be more like Cole: Dig a big pit, fill it with water, wait for it to freeze real good, then go ice fishing. You will be about as likely to catch a fish as anytime I’ve ever gone ice fishing. Seriously, ice fishing sucks. It’s cold, you just sit there over a hole hoping something happens, but nothing ever happens. It’s all a big lie. Why would fish still be happily swimming around in a frozen lake eating worms off your hook. The lake is frozen, where did the worm come from? Fish aren’t that stupid, they know that worm shouldn’t be there in the middle of winter. You’re wasting your time Tim! Go do something productive inside where it’s warm. Have a hot cocoa, it’ll warm you up. Don’t put whipped cream on it! What are you, a toddler?
Should we start giving Woodson some credit for this winning streak? Nah.
Three Things We Saw
- I have yet to address the Phil Jackson drama, so let’s put it all down here. It looks like Phil becoming the Knicks Team President of Basketball Related Activities and Dean of the School of Literature is actually going to happen. Maybe I’m wrong, but it could be that this has effected the effort level of this team. The players have someone new in charge that they have to prove their worth to. It’ll be interesting to see how quickly Phil starts shaping the team to his liking. Will he wait until the off season to make any major changes or will they come right away?
- I’m of the opinion that this Phil Jackson hiring is a good thing. I do not see how things could get worse from Dolan giving completely control of basketball related decision to someone who has significant basketball experience. Yes, it would be nice if he gave that control to an experienced, successful GM, but beggars can’t be choosers. We’ve all been screaming at Dolan to stop interfering, and that may actually be happening, to a degree.
- Atlanta is horrible now, and the Knicks are closing in on that 8 seed. I feel like significant changes are coming in after the season, whether the Knicks make the playoffs or not. I feel like I can start rooting for them to do that now, which is kind of cool. There is something to keep watching games for.