Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Recap: Knicks 103, Warriors 126

What more is there to say about the Knicks at this point? Tonight they played against one of the best back courts in the league and were, predictably, burned again and again (a triple double by the end of the 3rd quarter for Steph Curry!!!!). The Knicks were never really in this game from the start, lost by a lot and a frustrated Tyson Chandler almost bit a dude’s head off right there in the middle of the court. So, rather than repeating what better writers have stated again and again, I decided to go a different direction. First, let’s have a little science lesson:

In quantum physics, there is always an inherent statistical uncertainty in any solutions, due to limit in precision that certain pairs of physical variables have when you are trying to solve them simultaneously. This can be referred to as the “Uncertainty Principal”, and in simple terms it’s just saying that you can only approximately know values of certain variables on a quantum scale. Anyways, one way to get around this “quantum randomness” is to imagine multiple universes, where all possibilities of the values of these variables can occur. This is really just a thought exercise, but has been used in popular culture on a macro scale, such as in comics that like to remake old characters and stories, explaining it away by saying, “Oh, this is a brand new universe! Ignore all those other Batman comics we made, this is a new one that has nothing to do with those!”.

Let’s have our own thought experiment with the Knicks. Let’s imagine a universe that is just, in which the current Knicks organization is capable, and the players are motivated winners. This is how I choose imagine our star player:

And his buddy JR:

Don’t forget Ray!

And finally, the greatest alternative reality of all:

Sweet dreams everyone! Eventually, this whole mess will get better, in our universe! It has to, right?

8 comments on “Recap: Knicks 103, Warriors 126

  1. BigBlueAL

    Its sad when Im more excited for a Yankee spring training game tomorrow than I am for the rest of the Knicks season.

  2. Bruno Almeida

    Its sad when Im more excited for a Yankee spring training game tomorrow than I am for the rest of the Knicks season.

    hell, I’m a Mets fan and I’m much more excited about our “new ace” Bartolo Colon than I am for the entirety of the Knicks organization.

  3. Robtachi

    I can’t even enjoy the alternate universe Knicks where I fix their problems in my NBA 2K14 game because they still haven’t got the color of the road jerseys right.

    Sigh.

  4. MarvsTeeth

    It’s just so pathetic that the organization’s “leadership” can’t see they royally messed the season up. It’s so pathetic that Dolan is sticking to his guns out of pride and hasn’t fired Woodson a long time ago. It’s pathetic that Dolan will keep Mills on as GM out of pride despite him not having done anything to improve this team. It’s just all so pathetic and Sisyphian.

    I think there is something interesting to be learned about emotional bonds, loyalty and human psychological need to be part of a larger group. This irrational but biologically dictated behavior is really the only way to explain why the fans are still torturing themselves instead of cutting loose. I can’t imagine sticking around at a job with an idiot manager and idiot leadership if there were 29 other better-run companies eager for my services. Not to be insensitive, but the metaphor of a dependent girlfriend sticking around her abusive boyfriend comes to mind.

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