Everyone gets an F tonight because I was forced to watch this terrible game instead of LeBron dropping 61 points on Charlotte. Plus, they really deserve it given how they played. But still, even if they had ended up winning, they all get F’s.
I’m not here to make friends.
|Amar’e Stoudemire, PF 32 MIN | 9-11 FG | 4-4 FT | 6 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 22 PTS | -5
I don’t care if this might have been his best game of the season. He sucks because he plays for the Knicks, and the Knicks suck because he plays for them, and the circle is complete.
|Carmelo Anthony, SF 41 MIN | 11-21 FG | 2-4 FT | 5 REB | 2 AST | 3 STL | 0 BLK | 6 TO | 28 PTS | -17
Carmelo was 11-21, and Stoudemire was 9-11. For all you liberal arts majors out there, that’s a combined 20-32, which is 62.5%. As a team, the Knicks were 32-83, which is 38.6%. So that means players not named Carmelo or Amar’e combined to shoot 12-51, which is 23.5%. Naturally, Carmelo and Amar’e combined for two assists and six turnovers. In fact, Carmelo had both assists and all six turnovers. I’m not sure Amar’e passed the ball once.
Keep in mind, this is the same Detroit team that is 22nd in defensive efficiency and has given up 118. 120, 104, 113, 107, 116, and 108 points in their last seven games. The Knicks managed 85.
|Tyson Chandler, C 42 MIN | 3-9 FG | 2-2 FT | 18 REB | 2 AST | 1 STL | 2 BLK | 1 TO | 8 PTS | -12
The Knicks were up by 14 points with two minutes remaining in the first quarter. Over the next 35 minutes (until the three-minute mark of the fourth quarter), they were outscored by 31 points.
I attended the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference over the weekend, and while I’m not a statistics major, I feel like being outscored by 31 points in less than three quarters isn’t an optimal result. I’ll bring it up at the conference next year and see what people say.
|Raymond Felton, PG 32 MIN | 1-9 FG | 1-2 FT | 3 REB | 5 AST | 2 STL | 0 BLK | 4 TO | 4 PTS | -5
The Knicks are so bad and so impossible to watch that I actually nodded off for a minute or two towards the end of the first half. I’ve had a pretty long day and got very little sleep over the weekend. On Wednesday night I hung out with Jordan White and Seerat Sohi from Hardwood Paroxysm. We had a pretty low-key night, but I didn’t get home until late. Thursday was spent playing pickup basketball with some TrueHoop people, followed by Jim Cavan and I going to Chipotle. Chipotle is pretty great, except that they couldn’t wrap my burrito properly and had to double-wrap it. That means two tortillas. That’s a lot of carbs.
Speaking of a lot of carbs, Ray Felton is really fat and not very good at basketball.
|J.R. Smith, SG 31 MIN | 5-17 FG | 2-2 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 1 BLK | 1 TO | 16 PTS | 0
On Thursday night, all the TrueHoop bloggers met up for dinner at a place near MIT. It’s always nice to see everyone, especially when you haven’t seen most of the people since last year’s conference. After dinner a few people trekked over to The Fours, a bar near the TD Garden, for late-night drinks and schmoozing with big-wigs. One of the people I talked to wrote a research paper about “The Hot Hand,” which mentions J.R. Smith.
J.R. Smith was not hot. He started 0-10. He finished 5-7, but who cares? The game was already lost at that point. He missed his first 10 shots.
|Jeremy Tyler, PF 8 MIN | 0-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 2 BLK | 0 TO | 0 PTS | +2
I actually don’t remember Jeremy Tyler playing in this game. It might have been during the part where I was asleep, or during the part where I was looking for GIFs to commemorate such a terrible performance from the Knicks. Maybe something like this one.
|Pablo Prigioni, PG 16 MIN | 1-2 FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 2 PTS | -9
Anyway, I didn’t sleep much Thursday night, because I was out late at The Fours, and the registration on Friday morning started at 7:30. So I was running on fumes for most of Friday. The energy of the conference picked me up a little bit, but not to the point that I wasn’t constantly complaining about how tired I was. Did I solve this problem by going home early on Friday night and resting up? Of course not. Pretty much everybody (by everybody, I mean fellow TrueHoop bloggers) went over to Dillon’s (a bar across the street from the Convention Center) for dinner and drinks. We watched the Knicks game (or, more accurately, watched Bob Silverman watch the Knicks game). The Knicks lost.
|Iman Shumpert, SG 16 MIN | 2-7 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 2 STL | 1 BLK | 0 TO | 5 PTS | -10
Saturday was rough. Everyone was struggling through various hangovers and sleep deprivation. Some people were savvy enough to head back to their hotel (at least those who were staying in the hotel connected to the Convention Center) for quick cat-naps. I wasn’t staying in that hotel, because I live in Boston, but not close enough to go home to take a nap. So I tried to take a nap in the media room, but the chairs weren’t comfortable enough. Almost as uncomfortable as watching Iman Shumpert play tonight.
|Tim Hardaway Jr., SG 22 MIN | 0-6 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 0 PTS | -5
Saturday night was a lot of fun. Many of us ended up at a place called Champion’s, inside the Marriott hotel. We had a large room in the back with a large table like one a shadow council would assemble around. Steve McPherson remarked that he wanted to pull the table apart and have a giant globe pop out. We tried it. It didn’t work.
There were several round of good-byes as people departed early, needing to be up for early flights the next morning. I, not having a flight, was able to stay late into the night all the way until last call with a few friends. But I woke up early the next morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. All told I had slept less than 20 hours in the previous four days. I’m still recovering. So that’s why I nodded off during the 2nd quarter.
Oh, by the way, Hardaway was terrible.
In addition to falling asleep, I also spent parts of the second half answering e-mails, sending text messages to friends that are coming into the city this weekend for my birthday (I’m turning 25 on Friday), and other things of that nature. I was able to do these things because Knicks games are pre-scripted. The events change, but the story never does.
Four Things We Saw
- In the first quarter, the Pistons should have had three uncontested dunks, but ended up with zero because their bigs (twice Drummond, once Monroe) couldn’t catch the ball. There was one instance where Josh Smith ran a pick-and-roll with Drummond, and both Knick defenders ran to Smith. You know, because he’s such a threat to knock down contested 19-foot jump shots. Smith darted a pass to Drummond who would have dunked it (seriously, there wasn’t anyone within five feet of him), but he couldn’t handle the pass and it went out of bounds. This is the only reason the Knicks ever had a lead in the first place. Because Detroit’s bigs couldn’t catch the ball.
- The Knicks’ backcourt was unfathomably bad. They (Felton, Smith, Hardaway, and Shumpert) opened the game 1-20 from the floor and played defense as inspired as a seventh-grade JV team where the coach isn’t allowed to make any cuts because the rich suburban parents are worried about their kids’ self-esteem.
They finished the game 8-39 from the floor and played defense as inspired as a seventh-grade JV team where the coach isn’t allowed to make any cuts because the rich suburban parents are worried about their kids’ self-esteem.
- I spent most of the third quarter swiping on Tinder. It’s kind of a dating/hook-up app (you can use it for either, at this time I don’t feel a need to share which of those I use it for) where you “swipe” a person’s picture to the right if you like it and the left if you don’t. You only get matched with someone if you both swipe each other to the right, so there’s a blind double-opt-in element to it. It’s becoming more and more popular, so there are a lot of people to swipe through. It’s very addictive and mildly therapeutic (your mind often goes blank as you swipe over and over again). And on top of that, it’s a fun and easy way to meet new people, a real problem for people in their mid-20s who no longer have the structured social webs of college to help them out.
- The Knicks suck.