Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Pistons 96, Knicks 85 – Everyone Gets F’s

Everyone gets an F tonight because I was forced to watch this terrible game instead of LeBron dropping 61 points on Charlotte. Plus, they really deserve it given how they played. But still, even if they had ended up winning, they all get F’s.

I’m not here to make friends.

New York Knicks 85 Final
Recap | Box Score
96 Detroit Pistons
Amar’e Stoudemire, PF 32 MIN | 9-11 FG | 4-4 FT | 6 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 22 PTS | -5

I don’t care if this might have been his best game of the season. He sucks because he plays for the Knicks, and the Knicks suck because he plays for them, and the circle is complete.

Carmelo Anthony, SF 41 MIN | 11-21 FG | 2-4 FT | 5 REB | 2 AST | 3 STL | 0 BLK | 6 TO | 28 PTS | -17

Carmelo was 11-21, and Stoudemire was 9-11. For all you liberal arts majors out there, that’s a combined 20-32, which is 62.5%. As a team, the Knicks were 32-83, which is 38.6%. So that means players not named Carmelo or Amar’e combined to shoot 12-51, which is 23.5%. Naturally, Carmelo and Amar’e combined for two assists and six turnovers. In fact, Carmelo had both assists and all six turnovers. I’m not sure Amar’e passed the ball once.

Keep in mind, this is the same Detroit team that is 22nd in defensive efficiency and has given up 118. 120, 104, 113, 107, 116, and 108 points in their last seven games. The Knicks managed 85.

Tyson Chandler, C 42 MIN | 3-9 FG | 2-2 FT | 18 REB | 2 AST | 1 STL | 2 BLK | 1 TO | 8 PTS | -12

The Knicks were up by 14 points with two minutes remaining in the first quarter. Over the next 35 minutes (until the three-minute mark of the fourth quarter), they were outscored by 31 points.

I attended the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics Conference over the weekend, and while I’m not a statistics major, I feel like being outscored by 31 points in less than three quarters isn’t an optimal result. I’ll bring it up at the conference next year and see what people say.

Raymond Felton, PG 32 MIN | 1-9 FG | 1-2 FT | 3 REB | 5 AST | 2 STL | 0 BLK | 4 TO | 4 PTS | -5

The Knicks are so bad and so impossible to watch that I actually nodded off for a minute or two towards the end of the first half. I’ve had a pretty long day and got very little sleep over the weekend. On Wednesday night I hung out with Jordan White and Seerat Sohi from Hardwood Paroxysm. We had a pretty low-key night, but I didn’t get home until late. Thursday was spent playing pickup basketball with some TrueHoop people, followed by Jim Cavan and I going to Chipotle. Chipotle is pretty great, except that they couldn’t wrap my burrito properly and had to double-wrap it. That means two tortillas. That’s a lot of carbs.

Speaking of a lot of carbs, Ray Felton is really fat and not very good at basketball.

J.R. Smith, SG 31 MIN | 5-17 FG | 2-2 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 1 BLK | 1 TO | 16 PTS | 0

On Thursday night, all the TrueHoop bloggers met up for dinner at a place near MIT. It’s always nice to see everyone, especially when you haven’t seen most of the people since last year’s conference. After dinner a few people trekked over to The Fours, a bar near the TD Garden, for late-night drinks and schmoozing with big-wigs. One of the people I talked to wrote a research paper about “The Hot Hand,” which mentions J.R. Smith.

J.R. Smith was not hot. He started 0-10. He finished 5-7, but who cares? The game was already lost at that point. He missed his first 10 shots.

Jeremy Tyler, PF 8 MIN | 0-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 2 BLK | 0 TO | 0 PTS | +2

I actually don’t remember Jeremy Tyler playing in this game. It might have been during the part where I was asleep, or during the part where I was looking for GIFs to commemorate such a terrible performance from the Knicks. Maybe something like this one.

Pablo Prigioni, PG 16 MIN | 1-2 FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 2 PTS | -9

Anyway, I didn’t sleep much Thursday night, because I was out late at The Fours, and the registration on Friday morning started at 7:30. So I was running on fumes for most of Friday. The energy of the conference picked me up a little bit, but not to the point that I wasn’t constantly complaining about how tired I was. Did I solve this problem by going home early on Friday night and resting up? Of course not. Pretty much everybody (by everybody, I mean fellow TrueHoop bloggers) went over to Dillon’s (a bar across the street from the Convention Center) for dinner and drinks. We watched the Knicks game (or, more accurately, watched Bob Silverman watch the Knicks game). The Knicks lost.

Iman Shumpert, SG 16 MIN | 2-7 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 2 STL | 1 BLK | 0 TO | 5 PTS | -10

Saturday was rough. Everyone was struggling through various hangovers and sleep deprivation. Some people were savvy enough to head back to their hotel (at least those who were staying in the hotel connected to the Convention Center) for quick cat-naps. I wasn’t staying in that hotel, because I live in Boston, but not close enough to go home to take a nap. So I tried to take a nap in the media room, but the chairs weren’t comfortable enough. Almost as uncomfortable as watching Iman Shumpert play tonight.

Tim Hardaway Jr., SG 22 MIN | 0-6 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 0 PTS | -5

Saturday night was a lot of fun. Many of us ended up at a place called Champion’s, inside the Marriott hotel. We had a large room in the back with a large table like one a shadow council would assemble around. Steve McPherson remarked that he wanted to pull the table apart and have a giant globe pop out. We tried it. It didn’t work.

There were several round of good-byes as people departed early, needing to be up for early flights the next morning. I, not having a flight, was able to stay late into the night all the way until last call with a few friends. But I woke up early the next morning and couldn’t get back to sleep. All told I had slept less than 20 hours in the previous four days. I’m still recovering. So that’s why I nodded off during the 2nd quarter.

Oh, by the way, Hardaway was terrible.

Mike Woodson

In addition to falling asleep, I also spent parts of the second half answering e-mails, sending text messages to friends that are coming into the city this weekend for my birthday (I’m turning 25 on Friday), and other things of that nature. I was able to do these things because Knicks games are pre-scripted. The events change, but the story never does.

Four Things We Saw

  1. In the first quarter, the Pistons should have had three uncontested dunks, but ended up with zero because their bigs (twice Drummond, once Monroe) couldn’t catch the ball. There was one instance where Josh Smith ran a pick-and-roll with Drummond, and both Knick defenders ran to Smith. You know, because he’s such a threat to knock down contested 19-foot jump shots. Smith darted a pass to Drummond who would have dunked it (seriously, there wasn’t anyone within five feet of him), but he couldn’t handle the pass and it went out of bounds. This is the only reason the Knicks ever had a lead in the first place. Because Detroit’s bigs couldn’t catch the ball.
  2. The Knicks’ backcourt was unfathomably bad. They (Felton, Smith, Hardaway, and Shumpert) opened the game 1-20 from the floor and played defense as inspired as a seventh-grade JV team where the coach isn’t allowed to make any cuts because the rich suburban parents are worried about their kids’ self-esteem.

    They finished the game 8-39 from the floor and played defense as inspired as a seventh-grade JV team where the coach isn’t allowed to make any cuts because the rich suburban parents are worried about their kids’ self-esteem.

  3. I spent most of the third quarter swiping on Tinder. It’s kind of a dating/hook-up app (you can use it for either, at this time I don’t feel a need to share which of those I use it for) where you “swipe” a person’s picture to the right if you like it and the left if you don’t. You only get matched with someone if you both swipe each other to the right, so there’s a blind double-opt-in element to it. It’s becoming more and more popular, so there are a lot of people to swipe through. It’s very addictive and mildly therapeutic (your mind often goes blank as you swipe over and over again). And on top of that, it’s a fun and easy way to meet new people, a real problem for people in their mid-20s who no longer have the structured social webs of college to help them out.
  4. The Knicks suck.

45 comments on “Pistons 96, Knicks 85 – Everyone Gets F’s

  1. Cock Jowles, #1 Nostradumbass

    Hey, if the Knicks aren’t ready to start the B-team, at least Knickerblogger is! Hey, Jeremy! More content about Tinder and Field Goal Percentage and Sloan and a man-date with Cavan at Chipotle and The Fucking Fours and name-dropping people from good blogs! Like Timmy Hardaway, Junior: Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish! Swish! I hate the Knicks!

    Also, I once paid something like eight-fucking-fifty for a Guinness at The Fours. Fuck The Fours.

  2. Cock Jowles, #1 Nostradumbass

    Clarification: I’m just saying that with Silverman, you might get Beckett and M*A*S*H; Cavan, you might get Spaghetti Westerns and David Foster Wallace; Cronin, you get faceless dudes from the ’60s and superheroes. Here we get Baby’s First Conference and Tinder. I mean, come on. This isn’t right. Felton is enough blubber for all of us.

  3. Hubert

    This is getting good. I don’t watche a thing, but everytime I get the score center alert I just look at it and laugh out loud. The Knicks are finally making me smile.

    Someone call me when Woodson is fired.

  4. Cock Jowles Has Predicted the Last Three Knicks Seasons

    Please stop talking about FG% on this board please.

  5. dtrickey

    The biggest disappointment from this game was that they didn’t get blown out until the fourth so I felt obliged to hang around rather than go off and do something productive this afternoon, like I’ve been able to do over the last week.

    STAT get’s an F+ in my books. If he were here in Australia he should at least get an E.

  6. Hubert

    Jesus Christ I won almost $5k on a giants & the under parlay in Super Bowl 42 six years ago and I didn’t boast 1/1000th as this guy has. You might as well change your name to a flashing sign that says “I’M VERY INSECURE SO IT’S EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO ME TO REMIND YOU ALL THAT I’M NOT WRONG ALL OF THE TIME.”

  7. Cock Jowles Has Predicted the Last Three Knicks Seasons

    I would gladly change my name to that, Hubert, if it would only fit.

    If I were you, I would brag about that parlay at every sporting event you go to or watch on television because other people will not bother you after that moment and you can watch the game in peace, on your lonesome as geniuses do.

    Seriously, you are a gambling savant and I am very proud of you.

  8. Brian Cronin

    It’s getting harder and harder for me to see how Melo justifies returning to this team. I still think he is coming back and I think he is coming back at a discount. But I just really don’t know what explanation he is going to give to explain why he is coming back. Because he sure as shit can’t say “because I want to win a championship” and he can’t even say “because they can give me the most money” if he signs at a discount.

    Still viable reasons include:

    1. He just really enjoys playing in New York
    2. He doesn’t want to be seen as quitting on two teams (one of the reasons I am sure he is returning is because it would be pretty jerky to leave without first telling them during the season, “Oh yeah, I am going to leave so you really ought to trade me now”)
    3. His wife wants him to play in either New York or L.A. and L.A. is not any better of an option than New York at this point (with the Clippers not having the cap room for him and the Lakers being as bad as the Knicks).

    But while I guess I could see him saying 1, 2 and 3 aren’t things he’d ever say publicly, right?

  9. Hubert

    That was very effective diffusion I will gladly give you credit where it’s due for that.

  10. Cock Jowles Has Predicted the Last Three Knicks Seasons

    Perhaps next season we can both take the Under on the Knicks’ total wins and make out like Raymundo Feltonas, Los Inteligentes Banditos de la Ciudad de Nuevo Yorko.

  11. BigBlueAL

    At this point with all of the respect Melo has earned from me these past 2 seasons I would lose alot of that respect for him if he does re-sign with the Knicks lol.

    As much as Melo leaving and a total rebuild would probably be whats best for the Knicks I really dont wanna go thru a complete waste of a season where every game the Knicks win would be disappointing next season. Plus sorry but there is virtually no chance in hell this front office can do a successful rebuild. Unless Mills out of nowhere hires a competent GM I cant imagine this team doing anything too smart over the next couple of summers.

    For me still I would prefer Melo staying and the Knicks hiring a real good head coach. It probably wont mean anything close to a championship but if it means getting back to having a few seasons in a row similar to last season I would probably gladly take it at this point. We can talk all about draft picks, cap space and doing a “proper” rebuild but again good luck with Dolan in charge doing that properly. But I must say I would be intrigued to see what they can get by trading Chandler this summer then having a Top 5 pick and a shitload of cap space next summer. Intrigued and scared at the same time lol.

  12. Robtachi

    Yeah I liked the recap just fine. I mean, what is there to say about these games at this point that hasn’t already been said 39 times before? Honestly Cock Jowles, that tirade was a little too “get off my lawn” for the occasion. Maybe you didn’t catch on to the ultra-subversive juxtaposition of Jeremy’s sleepless malaise with the way the Knicks somnambulated through tonight’s game? Tut, tut.

  13. Cock Jowles Has Predicted the Last Three Knicks Seasons

    It wasn’t horrible. It just has the mild stench of a young, not-so-world-travelled dude who needs to live-tweet everything he’s doing all the time (to the tune of, like, ~17.5k tweets). I get it: most college students lead really boring lives, even counting the times on Tuesday, Friday and Saturday nights when they’re fornicating with highly elastic, low body-fat, amenable-to-alternative-practices young ladies. And this leads to disasters like my articles on Gibril Wilson’s rookie greatness and Roy Jones Jr.’s rap album in the Fordham alternative newspaper. So, hey, I guess practice is a good thing. But I’ve never really felt like the mods were pulling a Woodson until the college intern thing started up.

    The East is big, man.

  14. EB

    Can we add Beno and Metta at A+’s for getting off this godforsaken team?

    Also, how many users now have names based off of Cock Jowles? Seriously, there’s more based off his name than there are off the Knicks.

  15. Brian Cronin

    Also, how many users now have names based off of Cock Jowles?

    I’m pretty sure it’s just the one.

  16. JK47

    Melo will walk and the Knicks will get nothing, and the Nuggets will win the lottery, and Mills will trade all the expiring contracts for longer and shittier contracts and probably give up swap rights of the 2015 pick and Dolan will probably fire Clyde and Isiah Thomas will probably come back in some capacity and everything will suck in every conceivable way until the end of time or at least the rest of my life.

    Because Knicks.

  17. Robtachi

    It wasn’t horrible. It just has the mild stench of a young, not-so-world-travelled dude who needs to live-tweet everything he’s doing all the time (to the tune of, like, ~17.5k tweets). I get it: most college students lead really boring lives, even counting the times on Tuesday, Friday and Saturday nights when they’re fornicating with highly elastic, low body-fat, amenable-to-alternative-practices young ladies. And this leads to disasters like my articles on Gibril Wilson’s rookie greatness and Roy Jones Jr.’s rap album in the Fordham alternative newspaper. So, hey, I guess practice is a good thing. But I’ve never really felt like the mods were pulling a Woodson until the college intern thing started up.

    The East is big, man.

    I can’t wait to be as jaded as you. A few more seasons like this, and I’ll be there, I wager.

  18. iyasin

    im really excited (in a sick way) for the off season, for one because this season makes me want to drink and its starting to get unhealthy and also because i cant wait to see who is going to be playing for us next year…i mean if melo (im pretty sure his mind is made up at this point) leaves can you imagine how much worse would the knicks be next year? we’d have JR smith, chandler, amare and felton starting. JR would get to be the guy….let that sink in….

  19. Brian Cronin

    I agree his mind is made up, but I think his mind is made up about remaining a Knick, so the only change is how he explains why he’s sticking around.

    But yes, I agree that this offseason will be quite scary, as there’s always the fear that they’ll make the aforementioned Gordon/Evans for STAT trade or the Smith/Jennings for STAT trade, all so that Melo can say, “They made this move as a committment to me and that’s why I came back.”

  20. Donnie Walsh

    Can’t they trade Gordon/Evans for STAT and Smith/Jennings for Bargnani? Wouldn’t that show an even stronger commitment to ruining Carmelo Anthony’s life?

  21. Brian Cronin

    What do the Knicks have to get Afflalo? Not even their 2018 pick would net Afflalo, I don’t think.

  22. Z-man

    Jowles is the ultimate bear market poster.

    For the first time that I can remember, I wasn’t even aware that there was a Knicks game last night.

  23. Frank O.

    Seems like every time Woodson or the Knicks say something is wrong with Amar’e he comes out and puts up numbers. So I picked him up in my fantasy league.
    So please keep talking him down.
    And I hope he punches JR in the mouth.

  24. Thomas B.

    Nobody told me about the bloggers met up. Then again, nobody told me about the Linsanity book either. At least the freeze out is consistent.

  25. Hubert

    THJ had a TS% of 0.00000, no rebounds and one assist. He’s making like Icarus lately.

    This is why I wasn’t against trading him while his value was so high. I fear the Landry Fields dropoff, even though I know there is very little statistical similarity between the two players.

  26. Mike Kurylo

    Hey Cock Jowles,

    You know what the worst form of stupid is? The worst form of stupid is seeing someone else do something and fail, and then copying that same behavior. The person that tries to open the door that clearly has a sign on it saying “NOT AN EXIT” is an idiot. But the complete moron is the guy that sees him do it & fail, but then tries to go out that door himself. Even the simplest of living organisms learn from others’ failure.

    STOP THE PERSONAL INSULTS.

    And since you gain pleasure by tormenting people here, I’ll give you something to make yourself feel a little less happy about your life:
    http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/online-trolls-are-psychopaths-and-sadists-psychologists-claim-9134396.html

  27. Hubert

    And I thought it was a good recap, too, Jeremy. I’d rather spend 5 minutes getting a window into the universe of Knickerbloggers at a Sloan Conference that reading a recap of the same old Woodson shit.

    I perhaps would not have given Amar’e an F, though. I’m still drooling at that box score.

  28. TMal

    Add Tyson to being traded, he has shown me nothing this year. You need hungry gritty players like the Bulls have, I would have to look at NBA rosters to identify them and get rid of Woody he has no imagination on offense, the rotation D is horrible and his stubborn lineups letting personnel rot on the bench is very OLD.

  29. Hubert

    Nobody told me about the bloggers met up. Then again, nobody told me about the Linsanity book either. At least the freeze out is consistent.

    Boom:
    http://knickerblogger.net/knickerbloggerpt-meet-up/

    But can we can get name tags this time? I hate asking people what their board name is. Especially when they reply “I’m not on the board”.

  30. TMal

    Oh remember Lance Stephenson was waiting to be drafted and the Knicks selected Landry Fields and Andy Rautins. :-( SMH

  31. Hubert

    Also, how many users now have names based off of Cock Jowles? Seriously, there’s more based off his name than there are off the Knicks.

    And isn’t it weird that they’re all WoW disciples and RuRu has a beef with every one of them?

  32. Hubert

    I still see a Nelson and Aflalo trade coming this summer.

    Afflalo at $15mm over two years (with an opt out after 1) is a great value and Nelson next year is unguaranteed so his contract will be highly sought after. It would take a ton to get those two guys.

  33. Brian Cronin

    Yeah, exactly. And I didn’t even know Afflalo was signed past next season! So yeah, the Magic will have to be wowed and I don’t think that the Knicks have enough assets to wow anyone at the moment.

  34. TMal

    Nelson has always kicked Felton’s butt in head-2-head battles but Fathertime is upon him and if you have watched Magic games he is on the bench alot during crunch time due to being a defensive liability. Afflalo would be a good compliment to Melo.

    Gruenwald got fired for assembling the geriatric roster but Woodson had alot to do with that he and Gru were tight. Woody said look at championship teams and you see seasoned vets. I agree sprinkled in but not darn near you whole team.

  35. DRed

    This is why I wasn’t against trading him while his value was so high. I fear the Landry Fields dropoff, even though I know there is very little statistical similarity between the two players.

    I don’t think I’d be worried about Timmy getting nerve damage in his arm. The problem with Timmy is the same as it’s been all season-almost all his value is tied up in his 3 point shooting. At this point, we might as well let him learn on the job, but the problem is the guys tasked with teaching him how to play defense probably don’t know what they’re doing. He’s still been much better on offense than I expected, but he’s really remarkably awful on defense and he somehow gets rebounds less often than Steve Novak did. When you consider that Tim can actually jump high, it’s kind of astonishing.

    Timmy doesn’t cost anything, and it seems like it would be worth seeing if how he would play with better coaching, at least on defense. If he doesn’t seem like he can improve, I’d tell him to start gunning next year and deal him to some team that likes points.

  36. KnickfaninNJ

    The issue with the Knicks this year is not just the roster, it’s team chemistry. I don’t know what went wrong with them, but they are underperforming even the most pessimistic projections for this year. They are worse than the Marbury led teams that didn’t make the playoffs. The Knicks were desperately trying to move Felton, and then it turned out he was going through a rough divorce. I think this is not a coincidence; the Knick’s brass knew the team chemistry had to be fixed.

  37. The Ghost of Ted Nelson

    I fear the Landry Fields dropoff, even though I know there is very little statistical similarity between the two players.

    There actually is similarity. Both Hardaway and Fields shot exactly 34.2% from 3 point range in college. Both came into the NBA and shot significantly higher during the first half of their rookie season, which is not a sustainable trend for the most part. You can talk about “athleticism” or “shooting form” or “pedigree” to separate the two, but statistically they were similar in college, and similar rookie seasons (although Fields’s rookie year was way more impressive, as he not only had a .600 TS% but also led all guards in the entire league in rebounding). It is not a stretch to imagine that they have similar sophomore regressions to the mean.

  38. Definition of Insanity

    Woodie is a bad coach for several reasons already mentioned here and everywhere else but among them: his inexplicable favoring of players who are, let’s face, idiots (Felton, JR and the entire Smith Family for that matter) and his inconsistent treatment of those with promise or heart (Beno, Toure, Metta, Prigs). I’m not saying these are great players but I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Landry Fields regressed in his first full season with Woodson and that the rest of the team has absolutely quit on him now. He perpetuates a bad culture and that will always have a bad affect on any smart player. Whatever promise THJ genuinely has will not come to fruition under the hammerhead tutelage of Coach Mike Woodson. Talent-wise, this is not a bad team. Culture-wise, it is a disaster and no one can thrive in that kind of atmosphere. Obviously, Dolan takes heat for this as well…

Comments are closed.