|Kenyon Martin, PF
17 MIN | 0-2 FG | 0-0 FT | 3 REB | 2 AST | 3 STL | 3 BLK | 1 TO | 0 PTS | -10
Hell of an effort, old man! Way to bang with that dude with the unibrow! You know, Id have done the same thing on those Anderson threes – guy’s gotta miss sooner or later! With that weird ass hair patch thing he has going on? Shake it off, K-Mart. You’ve been around a long time and you deserve this grade for that. Its gonna get better. Promise.
|Andrea Bargnani, PF
36 MIN | 5-13 FG | 7-8 FT | 7 REB | 0 AST | 2 STL | 6 BLK | 2 TO | 17 PTS | -4
I don’t like how you move around out there – it’s pretty goofy and unattractive. But good effort! Way to hit those jumpers and get those blocks! Those take a lot of energy, you know. Thats probably why you were laggin a bit on D towards the end. Things would be different if Tyson was back there, though. He really does a good job of helping guys out when they need to take a play off or even a whole quarter. But he’ll be back. Itl get better. Way to hit those jumpers and get those blocks!*
*He gets an A+ for the jumpers and the blocks
|Carmelo Anthony, SF
44 MIN | 9-21 FG | 4-4 FT | 10 REB | 3 AST | 2 STL | 0 BLK | 3 TO | 23 PTS | +3
I could tell you were pressing out there, big guy. You got a lot on your shoulders. Some peeps out there will give you shit for not closing out on shooters, or missing rotations, or taking bad shots. Not me. You don’t deserve this. Well rebuild around you. Well put your statue on top of the Statue of Liberty, where the flame is. Stick around. It’s gonna get better. Promise.
|Raymond Felton, PG 38 MIN | 4-10 FG | 2-4 FT | 2 REB | 8 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 12 PTS | 0
Good effort, Ray! You had your jump shot going early and… well, everything pretty much went down hill after that. But don’t fret! You know your role on this team is safe. Just let me know if that goofy Italian Prigioni gives you a weird look. I’ll ship him back to Athens. Good look on that last shot, don’t worry about not hitting the corner Rook’s gonna earn his keep first! It’ll get better. They always do!
|Iman Shumpert, SG
21 MIN | 3-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 7 REB | 2 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 7 PTS | +1
Pack your bags, punk!
|Amar’e Stoudemire, PF
14 MIN | 2-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 3 TO | 4 PTS | +2
I still remember when you said “The Knicks are Back!” YEAH! I believed you then, and I believe you now, State. Way to take that charge that one time! And scoring on Lou Ombudsman! That was a great move, Amar’e. Use that as a boost for the next game. Or 4 games from now. Not sure what your schedule is like these days. But you should be playing more!
|Pablo Prigioni, PG
10 MIN | 1-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 3 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 3 PTS | -4
I don’t like your attitude. You think because you’re from South America or whatever that you’re better than us? Why do you dribble like that all the time? You never shoot when your open! And you always open your eyes real wide like I might look and see your brain one day. Your big brain thats too cool for school. That’s another thing that drives me NUTS! Just be content with backing up Felton because you’re 36 and that’s all you’re supposed to be doing anyway. It’s just not youre year!
|Tim Hardaway Jr., SG
25 MIN | 6-10 FG | 4-4 FT | 0 REB | 2 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 21 PTS | -6
That was a TERRIBLE shot you took down the stretch! You had Melo and JR on the court! Give it to THEM! Or even Ray! He’s a veteran! Your not a veteran, not for a few years at least. Don’t get me wrong, you’re shooting was really great and it probably kept us in the game. But don’t get greedy. That’s not what team is about. Team is about playing with TEAMMATES. That’s why it’s called A TEAM. HIT THE SHOWERS, ROOK!*
*He gets an incomplete because he’s a rookie.
|J.R. Smith, SG
34 MIN | 4-11 FG | 1-1 FT | 8 REB | 3 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 3 TO | 12 PTS | -1
We all know what you’re capable of, JR. When you’re rusty, the ball kind of flies out of your hands sometimes – we’ve all been there! That happens all the time with these third graders I coach. Hang in there! Don’t let these losses get into your head. You’re on the court down the stretch for a reason, JR. FOR. A. REASON. That reason is you’re the 6th Man of the Year. THE ONLY ONE! One more inch off either of those last two shots, we’re celebrating with you tonight in NEW YORK CITY!
Man, that Tyreke Evans had to be a bear to handle. Such a wide load! I can see how that would be really exhausting. And your teammates should’ve given you better help defense. That’s their jobs! You need to be honest with them and tell them what you need from them so you can get back to your old self. Hold your head up. Let’s go out anyway!
I can’t even imagine what it’s like having all these basketball players to coach and teach and make into men, and then you have to go and figure out which ones play well together and which ones don’t. But to be honest, it’s not the time for experimenting with your players. Just keep rolling with whats worked in the past. We are still IN THE PLAYOFF HUNT. I know that sounds crazy! I thought you did a good job of making sure Shumpert was held accountable for yelling at a teammate. You don’t do that in the pros. That’s not professional! This isn’t Virginia Tech! You should make him do wind sprints until he passes out! Then stand over him and give him that look you give the guys when you really mean business. That should scare him straight. And don’t worry about all the talk about what lineups you use. With that lineup we had down the stretch, we win that game 9 out of 10 times. Tonight was just the 10th! We have Brooklyn on Thursday! Let’s work on making those switches a little more crisp, Coach! “Once a Knick, Go Knicks Always!”
Five Things We Saw
- Tyreke Evans did whatever the hell he wanted.
- Ryan Anderson did whatever the hell he wanted.
- We lost a home game to the Pelicans, who were without Anthony Davis for 95% of said game.
- This Pelican has hair and apparently eats straight out of vats of organs.
- Anthony Davis got injured in the first quarter because the Knicks somehow find a way to destroy everything and anything beautiful. Even if it doesn’t belong to them.
- I joked about this on Twitter pretty much at the final buzzer, but it bears repeating: If I’m Tyson Chandler, I’m not stepping a single goddam foot into a basketball shoe until every one of these clowns puts down in writing that they will heretofore name any child they have Tyson Chandler — boy or girl. It’s a joke how much this man – this seven foot, still-kind-of-awkward-moving 31-year-old man with a history of terrible injuries and only a rudimentary offensive game to speak of – means to this team. That we’ve set ourselves up to be in a position for him to mean this much to this team: That’s ridiculous. It’s insane how much Tyson Chandler means to this team. That doesn’t mean they’d be, like, 13-3 now or whatever. But Hoooooooolllly Christ. Alright. That’s all I got. I’m exhausted and I’m coming down with what feels like some kind of subtropical plague flu and there’s literally nothing we can say that hasn’t been said a thousand times already except the rookie played well and we won’t have another rookie until 2015. Good night.