This is it, folks — the answers to the most pertinent questions facing the Knicks this season. The Knickerblogger contributors answered a series of poll questions and, like Moses, I have been commanded to bring these great truths before you. As is a proper scholarly presentation of data, I’ll present to you the poll results in percentages, so that you don’t know what kind of sample size we’re dealing with. Just assume that Knickerblogger articles are outsourced to India, where over 500 factory workers churn out daily articles which are then posted under a handful of names, and all those workers have participated in this poll. I now present to you… THE POLL:
Question 1: Will Amare Stoudemire play Over or Under 47.5 games?
Over: 60% Under 40%
My Take: It seems like Amar’e had some immediate family members voting in this poll. Extreme optimism is the only explanation I would have for someone expecting Amare to play in over half of the Knicks regular season games. I’m a realist. I’m such a realist, in fact, that when I read The Three Little Pigs to my daughter at night, I change the characters into three purchasing agents and a janitor who just wants a new mop. It’s never too early to teach the wonders of bureaucracy to your loved ones. That’s why I picked under.
Question 2: Will Andre Bargnani play Over or Under 28 MPG?
Over: 30% Under 70%
My Take: For Bargnani to play over 28 MPG, he will most likely have to see significant time at Center. I really hope he doesn’t play more than 28 MPG…
Question 3: Will Cole Aldrich play Over or Under 862 minutes?
Over: 20% Under 80%
My Take: I took under on this. It’d be great if Cole could become a solid contributor as a backup center, but I just don’t see him getting more than 10 MPG with Tyson, Kenyon, Amare, Bargs, Melo and Metta all ahead of him at the 4 and/or 5. Either way, I doubt Cole Aldrich will make or break our season.
Question 4: Will Metta World Peace shoot Over or Under 34.2% from three?
Over: 50% Under 50%
My Take: I took over. 34.2% is what Metta shot last year, after a disastrous 2011-12 where he shot under 30%. Prior to that horrible season Metta shot no lower than 35.5% for 5 straight seasons. I think he gets back to that 35-37% level in this offense.
Question 5: Will Tim Hardaway Jr. shoot Over or Under 36.0% from three??
Over: 80% Under 20%
My Take: Just as with quantum mechanics, Hardaway Jr.’s shooting percentage exists as a probability of observation and measurement. The act of measuring his 3pt% causes the set of shooting probabilities to immediately and randomly assume only one of the possible values. That is, there is no determining Hardaway Jr.’s 3pt% for the year, as it exists in a state where the possibility of being over or under 36% is equally probable and by measuring his makes and misses, we actually change the state of his 3pt%. Trust me, I have a degree in Physics. Move along.
Question 6: Will Carmelo Anthony win Over or Under 0.5 Player of the Month awards?
Over: 70% Under 30%
My Take: Melo always gets hot for a stretch and people love them some scoring. No question this is an over.
Question 7: Will Chris Smith play Over or Under 20 minutes total?
Over: 11% Under 89%
My Take: I think we’re all holding out hope that Chris Smith will collect his paycheck, never see the floor, and possibly be cut in a few weeks. Who knows, though maybe the league offices will force the Knicks to play the guy in order to prove they didn’t just sign him in an under-the-table agreement with JR. It would at least create comedic value in the season.
Question 8: Will Pablo Prigioni start Over or Under 40 games?
Over: 30% Under 70%
My Take: I think I said over on this. I don’t remember now. It depends if Woodson wants to start games off with the 2 PG lineup. Doesn’t really matter to me, as long as Prigs gets plenty of playing time.
Question 9: Will the Knicks win total be Over or Under the Nets win total?
Over: 30% Under 70%
My Take: Uh oh! Aren’t we the cynical bunch! If I had to guess on my own, I think both teams will win in the mid to high 40s. I just chose under because I greedily consume any and all pessimistic, anti-Knick analysis that comes burbling to the fore, assuming it to be the absolute unassailable truth; it’s easier than thinking for yourself.
Question 10: Will the Knicks rank defensively Over or Under 10.5 in team rankings?
Over: 90% Under 10%
My Take: Does it really make sense to predict that the Knicks will be a top 10 defense? I mean, I’m not saying it won’t happen. I’m just saying it’s very unlikely. Yeah, they added Metta, but they also added Bargnani, will possibly be giving Amare more playing time, and just gave JR a new contract. But hey, give me enough beer and I’ll probably see the Knicks as a top 10 defense this year. Or maybe I’m just looking for free beer.
Question 11: Will the Knicks total Over or Under 7.5 playoff wins?
Over: 10% Under 90%
My Take: See, we’re not all cynical trolling jerks! 10% of us think the Knicks will make the Eastern Conference Finals! I’m not in that 10%, however. I do think we win a first round series, though! It’s not all bad!
Thus concludes The Great Poll of October 2013. Sorry for all the season spoilers! Pretend you never read this article, or give yourself a head injury, so you can be surprised how the season turns out!
Please don’t give yourself a head injury.