Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Not-At-All-Quick Reaction: Celtics 91, Knicks 89

Sorry about the painful wait. Ironically, my computer, much like our so-called basketball team, crashed about 3/4 of the way through the writing of this little ditty, which resulted in much cursing and flinging of heavy objects (Again, much like the viewing of tonight’s sordid affair!). Like the right honorable Mr. Cavan, I took some cues from y’all in what proved to be a lively game thread. Enjoy.

New York Knicks 89 Final
Recap | Box Score
91 Boston Celtics
Carmelo Anthony, SF 38 MIN | 8-17 FG | 9-10 FT | 3 REB | 6 AST | 26 PTS | -6

cgreene
February 3, 2012 at 9:17 pm (Edit)
Melo is not a good interview

No, he isn’t. I personally find his Bal’mer accent charming, but then again, I’ve watched and re-watched The Wire so many times that I’m pretty sure I could work them corners if the need arose. Not to turn every contest into a referendum on his skills/worth/the trade/whether he can mesh with Stat, but outside of taking this course, I’m not sure you can ask for much more from Melo than what he provided tonight.

Amare Stoudemire, PF 36 MIN | 7-15 FG | 2-2 FT | 11 REB | 2 AST | 16 PTS | +1

Gamecockerbocker
February 3, 2012 at 11:15 pm (Edit)
And Howbout tonight give stat the ball down low!!! I’m ready to drink/ have already started.

Me too Mr. Cockerbocker. Alas, I’m an Alkie. And my sponsor is a fracking Celtics fan. He’s laughing at me right now and questioning my sexual preferences for backing a team like this. Something to the effect of, “I’m sure we can find a chapter of KA (Knicks Anonymous) if you’re ready to give up yet another stupid, self-destructive habit.” Oh yeah…Stat. Sorry. Got distracted. Stat needs a low-post move, stat. Some jumpers n’nice bounds this eve, but without a point guard…

Tyson Chandler, C 37 MIN | 9-13 FG | 2-4 FT | 11 REB | 1 AST | 20 PTS | -2

d-mar
February 3, 2012 at 9:45 pm (Edit)
This is why I LOVE Tyson Chandler – 2 straight times on offense he gets us extra possessions.

We all love Tyson Chandler. Our love for Tyson knows no bounds. Our love for Tyson is equal in size and scope to the rage he expresses on the court and the frustration he must be feeling playing for this team right now. If the ‘Bockers fall to Jersey tomorrow, I wouldn’t be surprised if his head literally exploded a la the opening scene in “Scanners.”

Landry Fields, G 40 MIN | 4-9 FG | 2-2 FT | 2 REB | 4 AST | 11 PTS | -1

Thomas B.
February 3, 2012 at 10:40 pm (Edit)
BigBlueAL:
Whoever Fields is covering is scoring at will.
Fields ISN”T covering anyone, that is why he can score at will.

Landry wasn’t put on this earth to run through screens. He is destined for loftier pursuits, like gamboling through a verdant field, scattering his magic pixie dust as he recites the purple prose of the romantic poets. Lord Byron couldn’t keep up with Ray Allen, so why should Landry?

Iman Shumpert, G 42 MIN | 3-10 FG | 0-0 FT | 3 REB | 5 AST | 7 PTS | +7

David Crockett
February 3, 2012 at 10:22 pm (Edit)
Shump gets SO many deflections you can’t stay mad.

You can get a little mad. Irrational hate is certainly a valid emotion for ‘Bocker-backers right now.

Jared Jeffries, PF 23 MIN | 2-6 FG | 1-1 FT | 3 REB | 0 AST | 5 PTS | -3

BigBlueAL
Jeffries not exactly Ewing with that fadeaway.

True, but Ewing couldn’t stick with the likes of Rondo, Pierce and Allen on switches. Jeffries does what Jared Jeffries does. (JJDWJJD?) If the Knicks’ other starters were circa ’05 Nash, ’05 Marion, ’05 Amar’e and ’05 Joe Johnson, the fact that you can pretty much ignore him on offense wouldn’t be a problem. Alas, they aren’t and so Jared’s offensive offensiveness is a wouldn’t be so downright offensive.

Steve Novak, SF 0 MIN | 0-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 0 AST | 0 PTS | 0

Mulligan
February 3, 2012 at 11:03 pm (Edit)
No way was that play for Novak.

I sure hope not. Otherwise it’s as botched a coaching decision (more on this later) as Dunleavy inserting an ice-cold Daniel Ewing in the 2006 playoffs.

Toney Douglas, PG 8 MIN | 0-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 0 AST | 0 PTS | -9

SangaD
February 3, 2012 at 10:18 pm (Edit)
TD may have just lost his last fan. what do we have to do for this guy, all the trust in the world was just given to you. it aint over but you gotta hit a shot and buy me breakfast kid.

I can’t say anything more about…nope, I can’t even write his name (or any acronym where he describes his exploits in the third person). It’s just _______ from here on out. Another godawful performance from _______.

Jeremy Lin, PG 7 MIN | 0-3 FG | 2-2 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 2 PTS | -1

Brian Cronin
February 3, 2012 at 8:32 pm (Edit)
MOTHERFUCKIN’ LIN!!!

he mind boggles as to why he didn’t play in the 2nd half (more on this later too), but Lin’s at least a serviceable PG. On this team, that merits all-caps, cuss-laden shouts of approval.

Bill Walker, SG 10 MIN | 1-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 0 AST | 2 PTS | +4

BigBlueAL
February 3, 2012 at 8:58 pm (Edit)
Bill Walker, not good at passing.

Nope.

Five Things We Saw

  1. Always nice to hear from Jeff Van Gundy and his fair, balanced, impartial, objective, bias-free view of the evening’s events, especially following hard on the heels of Reggie Miller and his Ferengi-esque cheese-grater-being-run-repeatedly-over-one’s-inner-thigh tone of voice. I wonder who’s working tomorrow night’s game? Anucha Browne-Sanders? The intern that hooked up with Marbury in his truck?
  2. Some VERY curious decisions by Coach Mikey in this one. Mainly the insertion of (The New “He Who Shall Not Be Named”) in the 2nd half. Knickerbloggeristas far and wide applauded the Jeremy Lin-_______ pecking order swap but why, dear God or Gods or Flying Spaghetti Monster, WHY would you go back to _______ in the 3rd/4th? The only semi-defensible answer is that with Melo or Stat out of the game, the Jeffries-Shumpert-Walker-Fields quartet posed absolutely no offensive threat. And if his shot is on, _______ is a threat (or at least a threat to be slightly less offensive). Even though Lin looked REALLY shaky against Bradley’s pressure and Boston cranked it up full-court in the 2nd half, Lin was at least able to penetrate off the dribble. You HAVE to go back to him.

    That said, I’ll give MD’A a pass on the last play because the Knicks had to inbound the ball and whatever he scribbled on his dry erase board certainly didn’t have Novak as the first option. I personally wouldn’t can Coach Pringles, but then again, I’m as close to being named GM as I am Head Coach. The vultures are circling. Get ready for the Lou Gossett Jr….I mean Mike Woodson era. Woo.

  3. Like my fellow keyboard-banger Mr. Cavan, I kvetch about the refs with the vehemence and self-righteousness of an old Jewish woman in a diner on the Upper West Side trying to send back an order of Minestrone: “It’s just too salty! I said I didn’t want it salty and you made it anyway so I’m sending it back!! Send it back or I’m telling everyone I know about how they treat people in this place!”

    So, let me state with unerring certainty, revoking of Paul “Mother$%^&ing, Godd*#n, Son of a B#@!h” Pierce’s three notwithstanding, the Knicks got ROYALLY hosed by the arbiters tonight. The non-call on Chandler’s dunk in the 4th. The phantom foul on Shumpert when he lost the ball. The ticky-tack technical on Stat. The deflection out of bounds by Rondo that led to Allen’s go ahead three. Game-changing plays, every man jack of them. You can’t say it cost the Knicks the game because…screw it. I’m too old for this ish. The refs cost them the game.

  4. While we’re here, did I mention that I hate Paul Pierce? I so want someone, preferably a fat kid with a chocolate stain smack-dab in the middle of his ill-fitting t-shirt, to sock him right in his smug, smarmy, self-congratulatory face. I HATE PAUL PIERCE SO MUCH. LOUD NOISES! THIS SOUP IS AWFUL!!
  5. Overall, ow. This one hurts. Then again, I can’t imagine any Knick fan with an operant limbic system didn’t expect them to lose this game, even when they were up 11. This is how they’ve lost to the Celts for years. I’m sure when I’m old and gray, bellowing at the TV (or the cybernetic televisual device implanted in my cranium) with a grandson on my knee and he’s crying because the Robo-Knicks lost to the Robo-Celtics I’ll have to explain that even when basketball was played by humans, we still lost in agonizing, gut-wrenching fashion to these smirking bastids. (And yes, in my vision of a dystopic future, Robo-Paul Pierce has an impish grin plastered to his dastardly mug and the NY robots are programmed to miss open jumpers. Stoopid Robo-Knicks! They still suck!).

    As Thomas B. so eloquently put it in the preview, “My esteemed colleague Jim Cavan might liken this to a Dickens novel. But the problem with that is that in a Dickens novel things do tend to get better. No, things don’t seem to get better for we fans of the Knicks. We are trapped in a place that isn’t quite good enough. Always waiting for things to get better. Stuck in sad, chaotic world without meaning. Yep, being a fan of these Knicks is like a Peanuts strip without the final panel to make everything right.

    Not to quibble but this isn’t Dickens, Bro. It’s straight Beckett. Forgive me for bowdlerizing one word but, to wit:

    “We are all born mad. Some remain so.”

    “Nothing to be done.”

    “But that is not the question. Why are we here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen to know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Baron Davis to come.”

    “Astride of a grave and a difficult birth. Down in the hole, lingeringly, the grave-digger puts on the forceps. We have time to grow old. The air is full of our cries. (He listens.) But habit is a great deadener.”

    “We wait. We are bored. (He throws up his hand.) No, don’t protest, we are bored to death, there’s no denying it. Good. A diversion comes along and what do we do? We let it go to waste… In an instant all will vanish and we’ll be alone once more, in the midst of nothingness!”

    “I don’t seem to be able… (long hesitation) to depart.”

    “Let’s go. Yes, let’s go. (They do not move).”

    FIN.

    See you tomorrow friends, perhaps astride of a grave indeed.

27 comments on “Not-At-All-Quick Reaction: Celtics 91, Knicks 89

  1. Jake S.

    I spent a decent portion of my evening reading John Jeremiah Sullivan’s “Pulphead.” Cannot recommend it enough. I think for the Nets game tomorrow night, I’m turning to Janet Malcolm.

  2. BigBlueAL

    Robert, THANK YOU for putting a smile on myself and making me laugh my ass off while reading this recap. I (and most of us who read this site) definitely needed it lol

    Also I apologize for nominating Jim to do all the recaps the other night because of how funny he is, you definitely gave him a run for his money tonight!!

  3. nicos

    Nice re-cap in these trying times Robert! This wasn’t a great game for either Shump or Landry but I have to say the team is at least functional when they’re in the game. Two weeks ago I thought Shumpert would never be a point guard and while he’d still be better off at the two right now, I do think he’ll be able to run the point somewhere down the line. He actually makes pretty good decisions when he’s able to get penetration (his turnovers usually seem to come on the perimeter)but he doesn’t look to attack often enough- I think he needs an off-season of work on his ball-handling but he’s strong enough that he should be able to muscle his way into the lane more than he’s doing right now. And in the pnr, he tends to back up off of the screen to get himself an easier passing angle rather than turning the corner and getting into the lane where he can hit the roller or a secondary cutter or take it himself. He has done a better job of trying to get the team into sets and resetting when necessary so that’s progress.

  4. Brian Cronin

    Definitely. Shumpert is just a rookie – he’ll learn the position eventually (okay, maybe he won’t, but I bet he will!). Meanwhile, that defense – soooo good.

  5. A Voice of Reason

    Very grateful for this insightful piece of writing.

    This game was a hard fought, terribly officiated slugfest and we came up short. Ray Ray has been shooting threes like that for a long time, against everyone. Landry Fields shouldnt be the guy guarding him in crunch time, but TD sucks so bad on offense we lose his quickness on D. Carmelo Anthony played great and I believe he will continue to do so. He has made a concerte d effort to move the rock and be a playmaker, and Landry is the happiest person in the apple because of it. We’ve been running the offense through Amare and he’s responded with strong inside play that should continue to improve. Toney Douglas must play better if he is getting minutes. He is actually killing our second unit with those pick and rolls where he never attacks. He retreats to the three line and forces a pass to someone because he has zero confidence. I have never wanted an Asian man before, but I’m there..bench tddwtwhatever and give his minutes to Lin and Walker who is a rhythm player and needs minutes on the floor. Actually impressed with Jeffries. If only that guy could develop a jumper..and Tyson Chandler is definitely someone I want to have here for a long time, ideally at 45mil instead of 58mil.

    We are playing better and I feel good about the future. Baron Davis will provide a spark with his energy, whenever he does come back, and I think shump shumpington will thrive playing next to him.
    Any thoughts on the chances of us getting J.R. Smith? Talk about a spark, he’d be perfect for NY. Plays hard and consistently above the rim. Slashing and dashing, jiving and thriving.

  6. BigBlueAL

    If only Hubert Davis or Allan Houston wouldve taken the shots Shump and Fields missed in the final minute….

  7. nicos

    I should also add that Fields has been doing a nice job passing off of the dribble which he didn’t do at all last year. Early in the season he was forcing things and his turnovers shot up but he seems to have gotten that under control. AND CHANDLER HIT A FACE-UP BASELINE 10 FOOTER!! He’s got no back to the basket game- his one post-up tonight was Jeffries-esque- but a little face-up shot off of penetration every once in while would open up so, so much for everyone else by getting his man out of the lane. He can hit free throws so he should be able to hit a 10-footer every once in a while.

  8. Brian Cronin

    Good comments from Melo.

    “I’d make the play any day. They’re sending two, three guys. I want to take the shot, but I can’t if they’re coming. I’m passing to the open man. They had great shots, they missed them. I’ll make the same play tomorrow.’’

    And yeah, Z, sounds like the word is that he has at least the New Jersey game. If they lose that one, I believe he will be fired. Coach Woodson…ugh.

  9. BigBlueAL

    Z:
    Does D’Antoni make it to the Nets game?

    Im afraid to read Twitter when I wake up because I might read that he has been fired.

    Although as much as I like D’Antoni it wont hurt me nearly as much as waking up on Dec 8th, 2001 and finding out Jeff Van Gundy had re-signed lol

  10. Brian Cronin

    Yeah, the departure of Riley and Van Gundy were both pretty brutal. Van Gundy more than Riley because Van Gundy’s departure seemed to be essentially him saying, “Yeah, this team is about to fall apart so I’m getting out when we’re still over .500″ and I was afraid we’d be in for years of bad teams. I did not know that it was going to be this many years of bad teams.

  11. BigBlueAL

    Brian Cronin:
    Yeah, the departure of Riley and Van Gundy were both pretty brutal. Van Gundy more than Riley because Van Gundy’s departure seemed to be essentially him saying, “Yeah, this team is about to fall apart so I’m getting out when we’re still over .500? and I was afraid we’d be in for years of bad teams. I did not know that it was going to be this many years of bad teams.

    We at least were able to brace for Riley’s departure since it was rumored for awhile. Van Gundy just came out of nowhere. Riley’s departure only lead to 1 sub-par season (which the Knicks still made it to the 2nd round of the playoffs) then they re-tooled and laid the groundwork for a pretty successful/fun 4 year stretch.

    Van Gundy’s departure we still havent recovered from 10 years later lol

  12. SangaD

    ok TD now that u have been completely relieved of your pg duties, and I mean completely. It really is time for u to change things. U need an Aaron Pryor type sidekick to scream some encouraging shit in your ear 24hrs a day !! u have an opportunity to be a specialist, unlike novak you really can hit the three. Sleep in the car man.

  13. Brian Cronin

    We at least were able to brace for Riley’s departure since it was rumored for awhile. Van Gundy just came out of nowhere. Riley’s departure only lead to 1 sub-par season (which the Knicks still made it to the 2nd round of the playoffs) then they re-tooled and laid the groundwork for a pretty successful/fun 4 year stretch.

    Van Gundy’s departure we still havent recovered from 10 years later lol

    While I lovvvvve Van Gundy, I don’t think the team fell apart because of his departure. The team was just really poorly constructed for years. For instance, I don’t think Van Gundy would have gotten that 2001-02 team over .500. I mean, for crying out loud, they traded for Shandon Anderson, who was making too much money and they then EXTENDED HIM for even more money!! It is funny, I know I told this story before, but I was at a book store buying Christmas presents when I got a call from my brother about the Isiah signing. He made me guess who the new GM was. I thought it was going to be Magic Johnson, so I was actually sort of happy to see it be Isiah, but only in a “Oh man, either way are screwed – but we were screwed anyways with Layden.”

    How wrong I was.

    Then they finally signed a competent GM and promptly screwed him over. Sigh.

  14. BigBlueAL

    Of course they got Shandon for Rice who was the big piece of the Ewing trade which was the real move that sent this franchise into hell. They shouldve just kept Ewing for his final season and let his contract run out. Plus hell that team won 48 games w/o him and LJ basically, keeping Ewing with that team they probably wouldve beaten the Raptors again and maybe made one last run to the Finals since the 76ers were very beatable that season along with the Bucks who were the 2 teams in the East Finals that season.

    I think Im going to start crying again……

  15. Brian Cronin

    I dunno, Ewing was pretty brutal for the Sonics that season. A .478 TS%! And utterly brutal defense.

    But yeah, definitely they would have been better off just bottoming out after Ewing’s contract ran out rather than just adding more and more mediocre and overpaid players. Plus the terrible Camby trade. That deal alone! Yuck.

    By the way, the Knicks would likely have taken Chris Wilcox over Nene and Amar’e, so they would have been bad even had they kept that pick.

  16. Thomas B.

    Bravo!! Brilliant. Just brilliant. These quick reaction post are just the thing to take the edge off.

    It really broke my heart that neither Shumpert or Fields knocked down two pretty good looks from behind the arc. Not for my own needs, but I think those two are working really hard. It would have nice to see them succeed.

    I’m coming around to Shumpert. Man is he a ball hawk. If he just could have kept the ball away from Pierce on the shot to beat the 24 second clock (the one that was ruled good). If Shumpert can learn to knock down that three, he could have a very productive career.

  17. daJudge

    Robert, wonderful piece. Thanks. Does anyone think we can run a few fast breaks given Chandlers ability to outlet? We do have some finishers, including Fields, Melo, Shump, etc…It looks like the Knicks are on the verge of playing some very good ball soon. I personally do not like this coaching staff, but changing it now might be worse. Nevertheless, I would lose no sleep if Coach was fired today. We will see.

  18. yoda4554

    You know, one of my acquaintances JUST mentioned something to the effect of “Waiting for Baron Davis ranks somewhere with waiting for Godot on the list of things likely to save your basketball team.”

  19. callmened

    Heres an objective criticism of the post game summaries recently:

    My friends and i are huge knicks fans and we discuss games. ..Yes every single one! We enjoyed sites like this because of the objective criticism and the other fan responses. We also enjoyed the humor.

    But now its over the top…we dont even get what youre saying in your comments. Im sure your thinking. “Who gives a #*!?” cuz you have so many other fans. Im just letting you know that youre starting to lose fans. I used “rely” on this site if i missed a game (like last nites) but i really have no idea what you guys were saying in the summary.

  20. johnlocke

    We need to trade DWTDD….for a credible back-up PT guard. It’s really awful, when our supposed 6th best player on the team comes into the game and all I’m thinking is….here goes the lead. D’Antoni – why did you not play Lin? Why???? I officially gave up on DWTDD and Mike D’Antoni last night.

  21. Robert Silverman Post author

    callmened:
    Heres an objective criticism of the post game summaries recently:

    My friends and i are huge knicks fans and we discuss games. ..Yes every single one! We enjoyed sites like this because of the objective criticism and the other fan responses. We also enjoyed the humor.

    But now its over the top…we dont even get what youre saying in your comments. Im sure your thinking. “Who gives a #*!?” cuz you have so many other fans. Im just letting you know that youre starting to lose fans. I used “rely” on this site if i missed a game (like last nites) but i really have no idea what you guys were saying in the summary.

    Totally fair critique, callmened.

  22. jon abbey

    I’d say it’s a terrible critique, if you want a straight summary, they are numerous and easy to find.

    also, for the umpteenth time, Jeff Van Gundy was not a good coach, certainly nothing special. solid on D, but as bad an offensive coach as I’ve ever seen.

  23. swoods

    We all knew this would happen. But we closed our eyes to it for the sake of love..

    We knew MDA’s offense would never work. We knew knicks ALWAYS relied on D, even when we had super BK with the game face and Hubie Brown yellin with his short sleave shirts.We knew it was fools gold on those nights when the 3′s are fallin from the sky like snowflakes in a blizzard. We knew that MDA, when pitted against a cool, shrewd, slick coaches like Doc R. or Tom Tibs, that his schemes would look juvenile. In ur hearts we knew this..

    We also knew what we were getting with Melo. No need to list his prowess here. We all know his shakin and bakin, etc. But now we want him to be Magic and run the “showtime”..oh wait, copyright infringement..I meant to say “woetime” offense. He’s a scorer, who would be even better if he got a nice pick set every now and then or if team mates hit open jumpers sometimes. Instead, lets give the ball to Melo with 8 secs or more on the shot clock and let him get tired and beat up posting and toasting his man every other play.

    And Stat, we knew we were getting someone who has really never been schooled in the finer arts of defensive and physical ball. So to expect him to turn into Dave Debusschere is not logical. Pick and rolls yes..stick and block no..well, maybe once in a while..about as often as I should be eatin french fries from Mickey D’s (one a month or whenever the knicks win two in a row). He’s great but won’t morph into anything but what we see. STAT is STAT.

    Just a few more..

    TD. At his best TD is a good bench player who, when hot, can score in bunches lie a microwave once named Vinnie. But to expect him to be a starting point guard on an NBA team is like me expecting to go out tonight with Halle Berry (Now if I met Halle years ago, I could pull that, but I digress). Won’t happen. But we knew this before the season strted, yet we put on the 3D glasses while watching 2D television and we got distorted. Now TD can’t hit…

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