Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Magcsi 10000 knicKs 991

Alook. If the Knicksand the Magi care gonna get all drunk to play BASKETBALL, thn I’MGONNA get drunk to RITE THE RECAPP. Fairs fair. FASIRS FAR. Bsides AVERYONE s drunkk tonight!!!!! TSI THNKSGIVING! Jst dont drivewhateveryado. Don’t DO IT. CAasll acab or ubar ora whaeveer. an happy THKANKSGIVANG. DONPT’ BRINGS UP BEAN CARSON AT THE DIANNER TIBABLE!

New York Knicks 91 Final
Recap | Box Score
100 Orlando Magic
Kristaps Porzingis, PF 36 MIN | 3-13 FG | 0-4 3FG | 4-6 FT | 8 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 6 BLK | 2 TO | 10 PTS | -2 +/-

Yiikes rook. Thaaaaaaats prety rough stuf there. Jus culdnt get inta any kinda rhythm out there you know. BUT THU BLOCKS! THE BLICKS! THOSEWere prtty awesome prtty awsome THAT BLCK ON DAOLAPO! YA JUMPEDF STRAIGTHA UP AND SENT TAHT SHIT TO ITALY ORF WHEFAREVER THATA PUNK IS FROM… thias wasn’ta your best game bay ANY staretch. But ayou FINDs wayws to acontributae no MATTER WHAT! FECK IAlove you! IL OAVE YOU!

UR THNKSVIVING DISH IS: a sweetsweetsweet appl pie RIGHTotuata the ovn and none of thast sarash LEE shit tiether. Maybeb a little ice creatm to match the oocmplexion of yer skin okay this isagetting weird I’m sorry i’m story NOT SSORRY HA!

Carmelo Anthony, SF 35 MIN | 9-17 FG | 3-4 3FG | 7-9 FT | 13 REB | 3 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 28 PTS | +4 +/-

Alright aright aright arght art. I get your THEMAN and everything, weall get it. EWGET IT! But sometimes… an ad i kno you don’t lke hearing this TBUT somatmes aND I ONLY MEAN SOMAETIMES but someteimes you kinads stalls thea offense like a TRUCK N MUD…. Youkno wwhat FUCK IT youwerar the oNLY one other than josie doin aNYTHING tonight. So yOU MY FRIEND, … A YOU get a pass!

assnd YOUR THsnkagivng dsih IS: oh daude YOUR OBVSIOUASLY the taurkey ins this here situation callad Thanskfavining. You are tathe meat oaf the bone you know. The SUBSTANCE that keeps aall our bellys full.

Robin Lopez, C 23 MIN | 4-8 FG | 0-0 3FG | 0-0 FT | 12 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 2 BLK | 0 TO | 8 PTS | +4 +/-

Ok ok oka akoka okay you wreare fdefinitely adoing some stuff earlay , gettin on athe boffenasive boards , ahad a nice righty hook in thearfe somewhere I canat’ remember to well. But thean coach goaes and just BURRIED you like a deadt pet gophert or sasomething. Like a ddaed pet frog or evan a familyg fo frongs. I feeeel LIKE… AND THISs is just me talkin hare…. I FEEL likea youcould GIVE morea if yea were just asaked to DOOOOmore youknow? … plus yer hair seems lalke ita would be the perfecat house for little itsy tiny fairies.

yourtaghnkvivng DISH?: sometathin weird ands quiirky kinda, al little difarenet…… WAIT I Knaow what you are! YOAURE the bag a hawaian rolls my werid ass uncle pickas up from the agas statioan on his way aover. Dafeintely not sexy but GATES THEFUCKIN JOB DONE! HAWAIN ROLLSSL GET THE JOB DONE!

Jose Calderon, PG 35 MIN | 8-14 FG | 4-8 3FG | 3-4 FT | 3 REB | 4 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 23 PTS | 0 +/-

DASAAAMN Josa. Can i casll you JOseeph actually like jesus dad from the first christma… oh wait its’ thansgkibnh not Xmas. so YOUU My frend had a pretty excaletn game SHOOTING WISE – A – on offense. You had kinda tuugh time staiyin in front ofa OPADILO but so did like ptaertty much EVERYONE amirite? If ayou can agive us THAT kinda fshooting aon a consistency basesi? THAT’S huge. No no no nao. THAAAT’S huge.

gueass WHAT YOURs thanskgaivng dsih IS: daeEFINITELY the amshed potastoes, but ilike the REALLY good kinds that have the skinsss in em. Like yor beard is the SKINS of the potato I n tha is scenario. Anfd the gravy because I maen COME ON that’s’ kind of a pacakage deal. So you are the mashfed ptoateos because yeah ok theyare GOOD but thatey also make you move arelllly like REALLY sloaw.

Arron Afflalo, SG 31 MIN | 4-11 FG | 2-4 3FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 10 PTS | +2 +/-

Youa hit osme sots. Sure, youa hit asome shots. Anfd youra defeane was okay althoaguh I nonestly donno WHY FISAHER WOULDN’T’ JUSTA JKEEP you on OLDADADSIPo more oftaen! Fisherasa gotta gate this rotations fogiured out. It’s the prrvverobial ELEPHATN IN THE… the hsorse of ad iffernt elephant.

THSI GUYs turaky day dish iiiiiisssss: mayeb cranbury scauce? Ithink ayoure’ cranberry sacue. Cusz like, you’are ZESTY sometimes on offense, but your weirdly FILLING at the same time. lIKE THE KINDA crabnerry sacuce tcomes in a can. Is thas insulting o’m sorry. No one awatsn to be cANNED ANYTHING.

Lou Amundson, PF 4 MIN | 0-1 FG | 0-0 3FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 0 PTS | 0 +/-

k no I adont even aremamber really.

TGd: the COFFEE youget with the PIE tis lik a jolt of ENEGRY beafoara you quikly pass out again.

Kevin Seraphin, PF 8 MIN | 0-2 FG | 0-0 3FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 0 PTS | -13 +/-

Mansfn STAT got real fat or sometighin I don’t know. And noaw he just aekas terrabile 20 foot hook sathots like shitTY KAREEM.

ur shittty tgiving dish: fCUKIN I don t know Funyons. Thy have faunuons at anoynes aeleses thanksgiving or ajust my familys?

Kyle O'Quinn, PF 12 MIN | 2-6 FG | 0-1 3FG | 0-0 FT | 4 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 1 BLK | 0 TO | 4 PTS | -12 +/-

Ugha. UGH! What HAAAAPENED to you doude? I dunno if yer kjust tryina showa up your oldd teamats or WHAt the fucka was goin on. Nyway you wrea aboust as useful as tits on a fireatruck.

ding dsing DIGN DIGNG YOU AREE:: a fuckin bowl a cottageg cheess that’s GONE BAAD. FESTering cottage cheesa.

Lance Thomas, SF 19 MIN | 1-3 FG | 0-1 3FG | 4-4 FT | 1 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 6 PTS | -8 +/-

hey lanse, nlance … you my friend my friend area doing some TNICE things when your numbeare getsca lled. That put bacask dunk! Shiiiaa1 asdf sorry I just threwd upa little buta I’m ok. I’m okay. This is me typing and I am oka.. ashit lance I juasta re-looked atat eh box xscore and you didasnt really ado much but I still laove ou liekt aht weird uncel who taslks abbout cheeerlaeaders all the tiame.

(SPOiler aleart its beeeens&: beasn. Jus beans. Adoesnt matter what kinfd realy. beasn

Langston Galloway, PG 16 MIN | 0-5 FG | 0-2 3FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 0 PTS | -10 +/-

Reel talk okay : FLORIDA WAS a not the sunihshine state for you bay ANY stretcha of the imaggagssination. S okay s oksya s okay though. You’lllg et your feet back. Not toa imply soemaone stole ye r feetbut IT IS FLORIDA werae talkin ga about ahere I beta the state ias on the coanstant verge of a full aon LIMB war all the atime I thnk I heard alezx Joness talkin about it oncae the floriday limb wars.

lgasntons side dsash is:: a dfferent kinda FOWL HAHaahsasha. cUZ you had fivea fouls lik a fool. YRE A FOWL FOOL. Foull fowl. FOOL FOWL

Jerian Grant, PG 6 MIN | 0-0 FG | 0-0 3FG | 0-0 FT | 1 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 2 TO | 0 PTS | -7 +/-

….6 MINtes? Like fcukin SIX mnutes? I donno what Fisheras ithinking. It’sa like what bryon scaott is doian with the Lakers: He doesn play Deeenglo ruseel bcasuae he deoasnt have experience… buat how arate you ausupposed to get experainac if you NEVER play. Anywy iw wish you plated myore.

thanks. gvign. dsih. IS: Ummmmm carrtos. Carratos are healthy cand GOOD for yu. But maaeybe with some franksa rRED hot on them.

Sasha Vujacic, SG 14 MIN | 0-3 FG | 0-3 3FG | 2-2 FT | 1 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 1 BLK | 1 TO | 2 PTS | -3 +/-

Yyyyour firstshot justt fuckin RIFFLEdd of the bckboard DUUDE! wERE you like BANGN some rushin chck at a fuckn POPYES chickn before orewhatever theay have dwn there? Yer a FOOL, SIR!

Urs mongolian thanskgiving tdasih: Fuckn GRASS SOUP.

Derek Fisher

AYO whaaat? whodafuck putsa shasha vuccavij ona aftheltic FREEK likae avcstor OLADSSASIPO hasant sdhasha beena playings in liake mongolia ors asome shit? mane you gotasta geta your shatsi togeather.

YOUARE: thea fuckin plastic athermomameter thign thats pops outta the aturkey whenits done. yre a pice a plastic. ASPIEC OF APLASTIC AN HAFLF OF ITSA LREADY MELTEDD INSAIDE THE BIRD!3

Five Things We Saw

  1. Haoly shit… Shaahsha Vucccuvic…nowait nowait… NICK VUJCAVIC.. Yyah that’s the aguy. Nik KILLLLLLd us tonight. Polez cnd’t keepa bODY ON HIM—Noone could keep a bodya on him ATLA ALL! FUCKIN WHATA THEAF UCK POLEZ LOPEZ I Maeaen! ARE Vocavic and vujacic related? i feal like the rusians or Turks or awhatever interachachange the V and the J A lot.
  2. but waita. Come here andn lemme wisper in yer ear for asecond. JUST GIMME YOUR EARS you guys. Guyas you knowa who REAFALLLY Killed us? Vaktory oLdipo. OLUDIPP KILLLLLLLLLLLED US! Fishher htaght itd be agood idea to put the VUCACIC on OLADAIPO! THAT’S’ CRAY CRAY CRAyzs.
  3. Cn we tlak about the scond unt reel quick? Les talkabut the seccnd unit real qiuk yaguys. They were soooO Good fir soooo long, but thn all sudden lateeley they’vae been toooootaLY OUT OFSORTS. No penastration, no continuiuity, guys not hitin there shots lika FUCKING EVER, ATALL
  4. Al that said now, there weree SOM intresging things Fishher did rotatioionaioally speeking. GrantnGlloway came inat the samef time to start thesecaond quirter. Then ZINGER ACTHUALLY startgted the FOURTH! I MEANHOLY SHITT OU GUYS! N he played allteh way to the endd! Now thatsaid that saida athat said… dooes he REALLLAY knowa whats he’s doin? I measn realy?
  5. IMAENWHATAREAYA GONNA DO? We went 282 on the roadtrip so thata’s not all that bad. but wihat it DID DO…. WHAT IT did DO you guys…hera’s what it did: it explosed some vaery REAL flaws with this team. Thebench isn’t quiate nearly asg good aswe thought. Our ofense HAS to worka on its spacing issues….. what aelse? ithink thas it ac for real I think thats. It. I’mma go sleeeep onathe porch awhre its cool now ands qute possasibly thrwoa up... BUT... HBEFAORE IS DO... HAPPSY THASNKGIVNGNI YOU GUYS...stuffs yer afaces proud. oK nnnnnow imam htrhow up fro reasl this timew

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16 comments on “Magcsi 10000 knicKs 991

  1. nyk8806

    Can we make Cavan drunk post for every recap? If it gets him fired from his day job and have to come back full time, all the better.

  2. d-mar

    Wait, how does Carmelo get an A? THCJ told me every loss is his fault, and we’d be better without him. Surely we would have crushed the Magic if he had just sat out. If he was a solid teammate, he’d do that for the good of the team. Sit Melo, you’re killing us, let those bench guys carry the load for once!

  3. Frank O.

    I don’t get Sasha.
    Has he made a shot this year. If he has, I’ve missed it.
    Also, with the game running down and the Knicks down by 9, why did Sasha stand at the three point line and dribble away, like, 14 seconds?
    I mean, we were hitting 3s like crazy. What the hell was he thinking? Sure, the game probably is done, but is that how you manage the end of a game? Isn’t it best to get the team performing almost like practice in those situations?
    Time is off the essence and Sasha is dribbling away the clock like is the beginning of the second quarter….Fuck.

  4. danvt

    I’m gonna go a little contrarian and say that was more of a mid season type recap. Jazz musicians stick a little closer to the melody in the first chorus, ya know?

    As to the game, I can understand getting very drunk. Behind by nine and Sasha is in the game. Enough said. The second unit has lost it’s mojo. Coach has made people earn minutes in practice and has held people accountable. Cool. Smart. We know you’re fair coach. Now it’s time for a top eight because no one is in a rhythm.

    Grant is confusing me. Someone help. He should be getting more minutes, but then he had that absolute brain fart possession at the end of q 1. Has the league figured him out?

  5. RicanKnick

    What a great way to start my Thanksgiving Day…really missed those posts Jim!!! Great as always!!! This bench thing is getting tired already. I hope we see some kind of adjustment from coach Fisher. That been said, I hope you all have a great day. FELIZ DIA DE ACCION DE GRACIAS!!!

  6. rama

    Jim – hey, Jim…jey hye ehye hey sit over her. Ovar HERE. at the table. Lesss talk Kncis all Thansigving day, man! Cuz you just make me lauf. Your the bess, man! I love you, mhan!

    A family of frogs. Npw THATS A horse of a diffrent elephant.

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