Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Knicks Reach Settlement With Brown

Check it out here.

Thank goodness THAT’s over, so now we can get on with the season…which, like Annie once said, is only a day away!

While we wait, anyone care to guess who will be the 15th Knick?

10 comments on “Knicks Reach Settlement With Brown

  1. Ken Bannister

    Hmm, Zeke needs a defensive-minded center who can rebound and block shots. Willis Reed! Patrick Ewing! How about a small forward who can play D and hit from the outside? Latrell Sprewell! Another shoot-first guard? John Starks! I think all those cats are avaialaable…Actually, I’d be giddy if they coaxed Spree back from off his boat somewhere in Milwaukee. That would just about make the nut with this team.

    In all seriousness, three players would be nice signings in the Jackie Butler (young, inexpensive, unproven) mode:

    1: JAMES WHITE
    6’7″ SF/SG An old rookie at 23, but very athletic, a slasher. inconsistent shooter potential to be a lock-down defender with a long wingspan (Christ, I sound like Chad Ford here.I feel dirty…) A poor man’s James Posey. Just got cut by Indiana, which preferred Maceo Baston for some reason.

    2: LOUIS WILLIAMS
    6’10” PF/C. A wiry shotblocker a la Theo Ratliff. Cut by the kings. Went undrafted but was considered to be a 2nd round value. Great leaper. Needs to puton weight to bang inside (yes, it’s official, I have contracted Chad Ford disease…POTENTIAL! ATHLETICISM! It’s like Tourette’s w/o all the fun of cursing)

    3: KEVIN PITTSNOGLE
    6’11” PF/C. He’s Michael Doleac all over again, ‘cept w/three point range. Just released by the Celtics — I know, the Celts cut a white player who can shoot. Red must cursing out that damned Mormon Ainge from Heaven. Who wouldn’t want Brad Lohaus Mach II? Actually, I think Pittsnogle was in Knicks camp under his nom-de guerre, Paul Miller.

    Or they could just go and re-sign Qyntel “Must Love Dogs” Woods.

  2. Ken Bannister

    Not to Pile on Larry Bird, (which I believe is the actual title of Bill Simmons’ lesser-known alternative-lifestyle sportsblog) but Larry Legend traded Alex Johnson (the 45th pick) AND two future 2nd round picks to Portland for James White, a slashing, athletic (Chad Ford Syndrome again, sorry all) SG/SF ‘tweener AFTER he had already drafted Shawne Williams (sing along if you know the tune), a slashing, athletic, etc. etc. and we would then go on to trade For Marquis Daniels, (dum de dum de dum) and Al Harrington, with Stephen Jackson and Danny Granger already on the roster. That’s what, six players for the wing, who pretty uch possess the same skill-set? Then you of course have to cut one of them b/c, golly gee, there’s no room in the rotation?

    My oh-so-subtle point is that Zeke (and no, I don’t drink his Chicago-style kool aid, just playing a lil’ Devil’s Advocate, and not in the bad Keanu Reeves way [stop be before I sub-reference/over mix my metaphors again!]), gets (deservedly) lampooned/run out of town on a rail/hung in effigy for acquiring players of similar skill-sets by the Nat’l Sporting Press, yet not a peep is heard of His Royal Birdness taking a 61-win team and turning them into the biggest gang of felons/underachievers this side of the Miami Hurricanes. The White trade/release culminated a seriously LOUSY offseason for the Pacers (and yeah, I still hate Regge “Ferengi” Miller), yet the Indianapolis Star doesn’t seem to have doomsaying predictions on its backpage. So when Berman/Vescey/Isola/Lawrence et al. start faoming at the mouth, I’m going to try follow my own ministrations and take it all with a giant pillar of salt, just like the good, honest, hard-working, real Americans in the state of Indiana do. God Bless.

  3. T-MART

    CHARLES OAKLEY – I’m pretty sure he is available. He’s at a bar somewhere in Chicago with his head on a swivel either waiting to take a 15-foot jumper on the baseline with a crumpled up bar napkin into the trash-can, or ready to dive over bar stool #4 to grab a loose Bud Heavy Bottle about to fall off the edge of the bar sidelines from an errant bartender slide to an opponent customer.

  4. Seth

    I think the Knicks need a white three-point shooter. I’m pretty sure the league mandates that every team has one…and we have none. A guaranteed deep threat off the bench would add depth too. Honestly, what Knick is really consistently dangerous from downtown at this moment in time? No one’s a sure shot.

  5. Ken Bannister

    Changed my mind. Much better idea…

    PAUL SHIRLEY
    6’10” PF. Granted, not many positive (meaningless) Ford-esque attributes (Athleticism, wingspan, potential) to throw around w/r/t Mr. Shirley, but wouldn’t you like to have him recounting in his blog the day-to-day travails of Isiah, Stephon, and co.? Isn’t that the most we could ask of our 15th player?

    (And yeah, it’s JUSTIN Williams, not Louis, who toils for the Sixers)

  6. Paul M

    Nothing much to say about this, but are you going to start tracking this season soon Knickerblogger?

  7. Brian Cronin

    Don’t you worry, Paul, he’s hard at work as we speak preparing everything for us lucky folks!

  8. Michael Zannettis

    I second the Paul Shirley nomination for Knicks 15th Man. There is no way the Knicks are going to be particularly competitive, so the least they can give their fans this season is some entertainment.

    Other legitimate candidates for this position:

    VINCE VAUGHAN
    6’5″ Serial Dater
    What better way to alleviate all that sexual harassment press than with a legitimate Hollywood relationship tabloid story-line?

    Vince gets bonus points for possible assistant coaching position, filling the much needed, ‘pull the youngster aside for motivationa speech/encouragement’ role.

    DANE COOK
    6’3″ Energy/Hustler
    What he lacks in material, he makes up in over the top delivery.

    PEDRO MARTINEZ
    5’9″ Hall-of=Famer
    Would have the best passing skills of any Knicks backcourt player.

    Bonus: Already owns a Knicks practice bright orange jumpsuit.

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