Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Knicks Playoff Limericks

The New York Knicks are going to make the playoffs for the first time in seven seasons. In honor of such a joyous occasion I thought I’d express myself in limerick form. Feel free to add your own Knick poetry in the comment section.

With the magic number at one,
the Knicks went on a twelve to two run,
They defeated the Cavs,
And had a few laughs,
Because the rebuilding has only begun!

Way back in two thousand and four,
the Knicks last had a playoff roar.
Marbury and Penny
Failed to win any
And Fugazi sent Thomas to the floor.

In round one, the Knicks likely will fall.
(This year there will be no title haul.)
New York wants the eyes
of the NBA’s top guys,
So they can acquire Deron, Howard, or Paul.

25 comments on “Knicks Playoff Limericks

  1. Spree8nyk8

    This idea is lame
    Mike Kurylo is certainly to blame
    But the Knicks are back
    get ready for the heart attack
    so who cares where this bad idea came

  2. The Honorable Cock Jowles

    Donnie’s a pretty smart bloke
    But more cap space? Simply a joke
    New CBA’ll sink ‘em
    Before we can ink ‘em
    And then comes poor Jon Abbey’s stroke

  3. d-mar

    Should the Knicks go down in flames,
    And in the playoffs not win a single game,
    Certain bloggers will scream,
    “The Knicks are a doomed team ,
    and surely, we have Melo to blame!”

  4. latke

    Thanks to Ice Cube’s “Once Upon a Time in the Projects”

    Once upon a time as a Knicks fan, yo
    I damn near had to mourn Z-Bo
    A knock on the door — “Who is it?”
    “It’s David Stern come to pay a little visit t’ya.
    And what’s up with Isiah in the parking lot?”
    I called him a sucka
    cuz he liked Eddy Curry a lot.
    Stern sat on the couch, but it wasn’t stable.
    Then he put his loafers on the coffee table.
    Marbury walked in — he’s into backseat banging.
    He said to us, “Vaseline taste good, kn’am saying?”
    Stern shook his head and said, “this town needs some good times.
    It’s been made to feel like it’s in a rut
    by a bad owner and this GM/coach/nut.”
    Stern threw up a set then he was gone.
    I’m thinking to myself, where did all this go wrong.
    Then Walsh came in with a joint in his mouth,
    and fixed shit up so that things were no longer headed south
    Then there was that Anthony trade;
    I suppose Dolan just wanted to get himself paid.
    But maybe hey it’s possible you never know
    Maybe Walsh was following his inner zen buddha flow
    At worst this whole thing could culminate
    In amplifying the narrative of knick/heat hate.

  5. Thomas B.

    I’ll give a shot.

    The playoffs are all fine and dandy
    But I’m very concerned about Landry
    our number 2 ‘bounder
    picked a bad time to flounder
    In Miami, he’d sure come in handy

    Now let’s raise a glass to Carmelo
    A true Knick, I’d call that fellow
    Because his scoring is grand,
    his passing quite bland,
    and his “D” is as firm as warm jello.

    And last, this goes out to the trolls
    with your wicked and black hearted souls
    much to your chagrin,
    the boys in blue win.
    So crawl back under the bridge you (censored)

  6. TheRant

    The tale of my sad little Jim
    Whose daddy taught business to him
    By giving power above
    A great team we all love
    While Jimmy was drinking the gin

    Jimmy always had plenty to spend
    On this he could always depend
    Cause contracts are easy
    Even when you are sleazy
    If you think money buys you a friend

    So he trusted a guy named Isaiah
    Who thought of himself as a playa
    The money he spent
    Could have covered the rent
    Of the rich guy who serves us as Maya

    Bought Penny and then he bought Starbury
    The contracts piled up in a big hurry
    Then saw no alarm
    When betting the farm
    On a boatload at 5 named Eddy Curry

    Though Marbury was now his ball handler
    Isaiah’s mind still would meander
    So he bought Stevey Franchise
    And now he had two guys
    To impress Ms. Anushka Browne Sanders

    The contracts would quickly amass
    The Garden became a morass
    Lenny Wilkens tried his hand
    Coach Brown took the stand
    Till Walsh finally appeared to save our *ss

    Jimmy finally found someone he could trust
    Donnie “please,” I say, “fix this you must”
    It lasted two years
    Till Carmelo appeared
    And now the whole thing is a bust

  7. DS

    In the first round we’d hoped for the Heat
    Felton and Gallo could’ve helped STAT compete
    But since that [bleep] ‘Melo trade
    LeBron, Bosh, and Wade,
    I fear we no longer can beat.

  8. Robert Silverman

    I’ll go haiku:

    Knicks in the Playoffs?
    Spring hearts swell with newfound pride
    Like flowers in rain

  9. Brian Cronin

    My take on Rodman is that he’s probably roughly the 90th best player to ever play in the NBA. Is that Hall of Fame worthy? I have no idea.

  10. Brian Cronin

    I now looked to see who is in the Hall of Fame, and I count roughly 83 players in the Hall of Fame who are there for their American professional basketball years (as opposed to guys who are in for their foreign years and guys in there for their college years).

    So with roughly, I dunno, 20-25 guys still playing today (plus the 10 or so who have retired already and will get in) that will be in the Hall of Fame eventually, that gives you 100-110 NBA players in the Hall of Fame who have careers you can compare against Rodman (you know, not counting Chris Paul, Kevin Durant, etc. who haven’t played long enough). So yeah, I have no problem with the 90th best guy being in there.

  11. The Honorable Cock Jowles

    Rodman was an incredible player, and is absolutely deserving of getting into the Hall. He began his career at 25, and still put up all-time numbers for rebounding! 25! You know how many possessions he created for his teams? And his career eFG% is .52! He led the league at age 27! If that’s a “struggling” offensive player, then what the hell is Jared Jeffries?

  12. Starks

    There once was a fan of the Knicks
    who endured his fair share of licks
    now a promising shot
    for a championship lot
    now just someone to rebound the bricks

  13. Mulligan

    There once was a young rooster named Gallo
    Whose complexion became increasingly sallow
    As trade rumours abounded,
    Leaving Knick fans astounded.
    Now Gallo’s sinking 3’s in Colorado.

    This is the story of Melo
    An offensively gifted fellow
    Who sought the big stage
    But plays D with malaise
    So to a quick playoff exit say “Hello.”

    But let’s not forget coach Mike.
    Whose 7SOL I quite like.
    If he’d signed with Chicago
    He’d be playing for all the marbles
    Instead he’ll be “gone fishin” for pike.

  14. Unreason

    A set of unapologetic paeans for 5 starters to celebrate making the playoffs.

    There once was a man named Amare
    who held a media soirée.
    “We’re back”, he declared.
    And he proved well-prepared
    to back up his words with star play.

    There once was a man named Carmelo
    who played ball like Casals played the cello.
    With his effort concerted
    his critics deserted
    their skeptical views of this fellow.

    There once was a point guard named Billups
    who spurred his team forward with stirrups.
    He showed them the way
    to stay focused and play
    with steadiness instead of the hiccups.

    There once was a young man named Fields
    with the poise that experience yields.
    While only a rook
    he wrote a playbook
    with weapons few veterans wield.

    There once was a center named Ronny,
    whose will and toughness were stony.
    When his body was willing
    his defiance was thrilling
    against those who had called his team phony.

  15. citizen

    In terms of poetic technique this one definitely wins. Hats off to you all for the entertaining efforts

    Unreason: A set of unapologetic paeans for 5 starters to celebrate making the playoffs.
    There once was a man named Amare
    who held a media soirée.
    “We’re back”, he declared.
    And he proved well-prepared
    to back up his words with star play.There once was a man named Carmelo
    who played ball like Casals played the cello.
    With his effort concerted
    his critics deserted
    their skeptical views of this fellow.There once was a point guard named Billups
    who spurred his team forward with stirrups.
    He showed them the way
    to stay focused and play
    with steadiness instead of the hiccups.There once was a young man named Fields
    with the poise that experience yields.
    While only a rook
    he wrote a playbook
    with weapons few veterans wield.There once was a center named Ronny,
    whose will and toughness were stony.
    When his body was willing
    his defiance was thrilling
    against those who had called his team phony.  

  16. rohank

    So finally it has come the time
    For Knickerbloggers to post and rhyme
    For if our team boxes out
    Then together we’ll all shout
    That we’re going to party like it’s 1999

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