Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Knicks 108 Wizards 101 BASKETBALL!!!!

New York Knicks 108 Final 101 Washington Wizards
Carmelo Anthony, SF 21 MIN | 4-9 FG | 3-3 FT | 5 REB | 1 AST | 17 PTS | +18

Melo clanked his first shot, so he’s a complete fucking failure, obviously. Regardless, a couple threes early in the first, coupled with some truly bully-licious lane-pounding that earned him a pair of trips to the stripe, made for a satisfying first outing. He played sparingly in the second half, which will probably be the program for the rest of the preseason. Whether or not his London production translates into next-level stuff this season, it’s undeniable that he’s looking the part. He’s back to one chin, basically.

Kurt Thomas, PF 15 MIN | 1-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 3 REB | 1 AST | 2 PTS | +23

I mean, once the preseason ends and he’s not allowed on the Hover-Round during games, we’ll see how he does. Not bad for a last-minute starting nod, though.

Tyson Chandler, C 22 MIN | 4-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 4 REB | 1 AST | 13 PTS | +16

A few weeks back I had a dream that I was eating an ice cream cone near a Grand Canyon ravine and it was so hot the ice cream fell out over the fence and over the ledge and Tyson flew out of nowhere to bat the ice cream back into the cone. And then he flew away like a giant vulture…. Anyway, Like his fellow Olymporan, Chandler was limited to cursory court time tonight, but he racked up a bunch of Tyson things and generally looked alright.

Raymond Felton, PG 21 MIN | 3-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 8 AST | 8 PTS | +6

After a summer that saw skinny Felton / fat Felton pictures zip across the internet in greater volumes than naked Kate Middleton pictures, it was good to get some honest to goodness footage of the man playing basketball. The verdict? Felton looked quite… unslow – darting to the hoop for an early uncontested bucket, and flipping up a deft oop dish to Chandler a few minutes later. Overall, Ray did a pretty good job of managing the game, moved well on both ends of the floor donuts Cheetos. Kidding.

Mychel Thompson, SG 16 MIN | 2-4 FG | 1-2 FT | 1 REB | 2 AST | 5 PTS | +3

Honestly, I was just relieved to see Myichaeaeeael wasn’t actually the giant red question mark that the pre-game lineup graphic made him out to be. Not really much to say here – he jacked up a few early corner threes, both of which missed quite badly, and he spent the rest of the game looking pretty tentative on both ends of the floor. He did rebound well one time, however, which…. Nothing. It really means nothing.

Chris Copeland, F 15 MIN | 0-5 FG | 2-2 FT | 4 REB | 0 AST | 2 PTS | -4

I know Copeland had a surprisingly productive Summer League and all, but man, he just looked lost tonight – too much hanging around the perimeter on offense, not a good enough job of moving his feet and rotating quickly enough on D. From here on out, anyone the Knicks bring on who sports the dreads should have the first thing they see on their locker be giant pictures of Renaldo Balkman and Bill Walker. Pretty sure he’ll get the message.

John Shurna, F 16 MIN | 1-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 3 REB | 0 AST | 3 PTS | -24

Even the faint rainbow trail on his first pass to Novak wasn’t enough to mask the transparent hesitancy with which Shurna – who by all accounts has been pretty tenacious in training camp to date – displayed. You could tell the energy and the effort were there. The quickness and the strength, however, need some serious work.

Steve Novak, SF 32 MIN | 7-8 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 2 AST | 21 PTS | -2

Stevak was one of the few second unit bright spots, drilling ALL SEVEN OF HIS ATTEMPTS FROM DEEP and generally looking like the same silky smooth savant we’ve come to know and love. If this is a sign of things to come, shit… Then there was the curious matter of his dribble-drive 18-foot FLOATER, which naturally careened off the heel. Couple more of those and it might be time for the Knicks to seriously consider investing in one of those electric dog fences.

J.R. Smith, SG 28 MIN | 8-11 FG | 14-6 FT | 4 REB | 6 AST | 20 PTS | +22

Any concern Smith has about “not starting” – particularly while Shumpert remains on the mend – should be tempered by the immediacy with which he hits the floor. Tonight it was, like, the 11:57 mark — in both halves (sorry, Myichaeaeaeael). There were some patented Earl Moments – the three first half 22-footers and the delightful between the legs pass to Novak on the break that glided straight out of bounds were especially noteworthy. But the most impressive sequence came at the end of the first quarter when, after hitting a long jumper (no for real — it was crazy) with 2.7 seconds left, Smith very nearly intercepted the in-bound pass near half court after diving from what must have been the opposite free throw line, flying into the scorer’s table. He then spent most of the second half cookin’ soup from outside. Cookin’ soup? Poopin’? Cookin’ poop? Cookin’ poop.

Jason Kidd, PG 23 MIN | 1-5 FG | 2-2 FT | 3 REB | 4 AST | 4 PTS | +9

J-Kidd had a couple awful PUIs early, and pretty much looked like, well, like a 39-year-old who just cashed a very large paycheck. The cool part is we had him mic’d up throughout the game. Here are some of the highlights:

“Heyya gyauys, cuthto the basket!”

“Nahww fuk THAT just uze the Gatraade cupp”

“Haeeyy you AJJ Pryice gettoutta my waaaaayx”

“Izzss steeel Gott iT YOUGUyz”

“AHey, REF, Izzz Fowuled1 AYe! REF! DAFUCK!?”

Pablo Prigioni, PG 21 MIN | 4-9 FG | 1-2 FT | 1 REB | 2 AST | 14 PTS | -2

Was it just me, or does Prigs look a lot slower against NBA competition than he did even in the Olympics? What’s that? The NBA is fast paced and has lots of good athletes? Oh! After a somewhat shaky start, Prigioni settled down noticeably in the second half, hit a handful of late-game threes, and looked like he’ll at the very least be a good stop-gap floor-spacer.

Henry Sims, G 9 MIN | 0-2 FG | 1-2 FT | 1 REB | 0 AST | 1 PTS | -10

Sims has his work cut out for him, considering he’ll basically be mailing his training camp check straight to David Stern for that first half flop.

Oscar Bellfield, G 3 MIN | 0-2 FG | 1-2 FT | 0 REB | 1 AST | 1 PTS | -6

The Knicks have a 19th century English snuffbox baron on their training camp roster. Neat!

Josh Harrellson, F 7 MIN | 1-2 FG | 1-1 FT | 7 REB | 0 AST | 3 PTS | -2

Awwww, Jorts. I miss you, man.

Landry Fields, G 25 MIN | 1-9 FG | 2-7 FT | 4 REB | 2 AST | 4 PTS | +0

Oh shit, I don’t miss you at all.

Baron Davis, PG 15 MIN | 4-12 FG | 3-4 FT | 1 REB | 5 AST | 8 PTS | -7

I don’t really miss you either but seriously get better.

Renaldo Balkman, PF 4 MIN | 0-1 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 1 AST | 0 PTS | -4

Yeah, alright, sure.

Jared Jeffries, PF 4 MIN | 0-0 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 0 AST | 0 PTS | -10

Jesus, we let you go, too?

Mike Bibby, PG 23 MIN | 2-6 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 2 AST | 6 PTS | -3

R.I.P.

Iman Shumpert, G 32 MIN | 3-10 FG | 2-2 FT | 6 REB | 6 AST | 8 PTS | +12

SHUMP! YOU’RE A POET! I LOVE YOU!.

Toney Douglas, PG 12 MIN | 0-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 0 AST | 0 PTS | -12

Oh…. hey Toney….Yeah, I gotta… I’m gonna go over here now.

Jeremy Lin, PG 40 MIN | 10-18 FG | 7-9 FT | 4 REB | 9 AST | 28 PTS | +12

AWWW FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Five Things We Saw

  1. The Knicks were without the services of Iman Shumpert (knee), Ronnie Brewer (knee), Chris Smith (knee), James White (knee, too much flight), Rasheed Wallace (Capri burn), and Amar’e Stoudemire, who I’m assuming kneed a first aid kit on his way out of practice yesterday.
  2. I don’t care what happens, I just want that evil looking robot demon scout from the NBATV pre-game show on the Knicks staff. I don’t care what capacity – robot, demon, scout, hot dog vendor, robot demon scout. Just make it happen.
  3. Surprisingly it was the defense, and not the offense, that looked a little rusty tonight – surprising, considering Woodson has been going all Sargent Hartman on his charges these past 10 days up in Greenburgh. In particular, the Knicks appeared wholly disinterested in closing out on threes. Are they not aware that shots behind that thing black strip of arched paint are worth three points? I mean, even the paint’s a different color! Whatever, it’ll get worked out. I think.
  4. We’ve seen some bad second quarters these last few years, but THAT was truly impressive – an 18-0 run to start the frame, going scoreless for the first seven or so minutes? Against a depleted Washington squad, no less? Yikes. Again, not too much to look into, considering at least four of these second and third string guys won’t be around much longer. It was more funny than anything. I mean, not as funny as Wizards play by play dude referring to us a few times as “the Necks.” I guess he was staring too long at Felton.
  5. This half-finished jersey piping is going to drive me fucking bananas. Now, this kind of concentrated effort might’ve failed to keep Lin in the orange and blue, but a fashion travesty of this magnitude clearly warrants a change.com petition. All you have to do is go to change.com and scroll past all the petitions for sexual harassment and asbestos and cereal razor blade and war victims and create a new one to fix the piping on our jerseys. Who wants to start it? None of you? How about a #freethepiping Twitter rally, then? Word.

18 comments on “Knicks 108 Wizards 101 BASKETBALL!!!!

  1. H20

    Jr, Kidd, Prigioni and Novak were great off the bench. Novaks shot look quicker and he seemed to be working at coming off of screens this offseason. Jr looked more focused on both sides of the court, Kidd and Prigioni looked surpisingly solid together defensively. Sims,Copeland,Shurna, Thompson nearly lost the game for us but overall I like what I saw from the team today

  2. The Honorable Cock Jowles

    “Melo clanked his first shot, so obviously he’s a total fucking failure.”

    God damn, have I missed the staff writers. Come to daddy.

  3. ruruland

    Ho hum, this is kind of what they’ll do. Felton looked GREAT; the guy I saw in Denver. Should be among league leaders in assists.

    There’s not a per-minute 3pt shooting combo anywhere near Smith/Novak.

  4. massive

    Bradley Beal looks pretty good from what I saw.

    When I was watching the starting 5 play together, I couldn’t help but think “this is going to be a glorious season.” Carmelo Anthony went 3-3 from the 3 point line, 6-7 from the free throw, and scored 17 points on 9 FGA. I’m hoping we can get him to play efficient basketball all season.

    http://knicksnow.com/videos/1754/all-access-kidd-mic-d-up

    There’s some footage of Jason Kidd in practice. You can see how valuable the guy really is from the clip. “If you’re gonna get beat, get beat middle.” That’s great advice considering that we’ll have Camby or Chandler protecting the paint.

  5. ruruland

    The Honorable Cock Jowles: “Melo clanked his first shot, so obviously he’s a total fucking failure.”God damn, have I missed the staff writers. Come to daddy.

    The Knicks are far closer to mid-season form than Cavan. At least what I read last year. Even when he’s working the rust off he’s good.

  6. nicos

    It’s going to interesting to see how much two Kidd winds up playing when Shump and Brewer are back- having a guy who can actually reset the offense when the ball gets kicked out to the three point line should really help both Amare and Melo get good looks, especially late in the clock.
    Also, I think Felton was 3-4 when playing with the first unit, and 0-4 when he trying to create for himself with the second unit- as long as he’s looking to pass first (and probably second) he should be pretty good.
    I’m not sure how much 4 I want to see Kurt Thomas play- he can’t close out on shooters much at all anymore.
    And while it’s only one game, it looks like none of the non-rotation guys look ready to contribute.

  7. llcoolbp

    Great to have Knicks basketball back. Hopefully this blog picks up in activity. I don’t get all the games down here in New Orleans, so I rely on the game threads to give me an idea of what was going on. Once the season starts I’ll have my league pass back. I’m so hard core I want to see these pre season games. But I couldn’t get chanfeed to work today. Oh well. I’m relying on you guys to keep on blogging to keep me informed.

  8. BigBlueAL

    My grade for the Yankees offense tonight: F+++++++++++++

    At least I noticed tonight that NBA League Pass are showing some pre-season games every night and they are showing Knicks-Celtics Sat night so I will have something to watch if the Yankees lose Game 5.

  9. SeeWhyDee77

    I’m still laffin incredibly hard at that J Kidd transcript! Great recap. I’m already in midseason form..I spent the whole entire game standin in front of the TV doing my UF version of Urban Meyer lol..it was ridiculous. My 14 yr old said, “umm Dad? it’s only preseason right?” lol

  10. Z

    I know I’m checked out and all, but, shit… I caught this (old habits still dying hard!) and just have to say, the ONLY thing I miss about the Knicks is Jim doin’ what he does…

    “Nahww fuk THAT just uze the Gatraade cupp”

    So awesome.
    (How the hell do you make a trivial pre-season recap must-read material?)

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