Play along at home!
This [A PART OF THE DAY], the Knicks suffered a [“Frustrating”/”Embarrassing”] loss at the hands of [NBA TEAM]. A rough start, characterized by [Choose at least three of “Poor shooting,” “Lackluster interior defense,” “A lack of ball movement,” “Inability to protect the defensive glass,” “Turnovers and fouls”] saw the Knicks fall behind by [NUMBER BETWEEN 8 AND 25]. The bench provided [“little”/”no]” help, as JR Smith’s performance was [“uneven”/”total dogshit”] and interior muscle was provided by [“nobody”/”absolutely nobody”].
In the [“second”/”third”/”fourth”/”imaginary non-existent”] quarter, Carmelo helped make up some of the deficit through a nice stretch of [“scoring”/
“defense”“scoring”/ “passing”“scoring”] but the opponent quickly adjusted and the offense was left banging its head against the proverbial wall. The Knicks [“ignored”/”possibly have never even heard of”] the pick and roll game and as a result took far too many threes off the bounce and contested long twos. This came as a surprise to [“Only James Dolan”/”Probably not even James Dolan”].
[NAME OF MARGINAL PLAYER ON THE OTHER TEAM] had a career night despite the fact that he had previously shown little ability to [“Carry a team on his back”/”Play passably at the NBA level”/”Walk 5 feet without crapping his pants”]. Cole Aldrich and Toure Murry did not play. Pablo Prigioni played [Pick a number between 0 and 48. Divide it by 2.] minutes.
This was not an entertaining game to watch.
After this kind of performance, the seat will inevitably get even hotter for [“embattled”/”distraught”/”downright unable to fucking believe this shit”] Knicks coach Mike Woodson, whose stay-the-course mentality was an asset during stretches of last season but who comes off as [“tone deaf”/”abjectly stupid”/”whatever guys, I’m just riding this one out”] with the [“ship taking on so much water” OR SIMILAR OVERLY DRAMATIC NAUTICAL METAPHOR]. It may only be a matter of time before Woodson joins so many coaches and executives before him: out of a job with false rumors about his propensity for [SEX ACT YOU’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF] echoing behind him from the corridors of MSG.
[HOWEVER YOU SPELL AN ANGRY PRIMAL SCREAM]!