In a bold move, the New York Knicks have traded the rumors that Carmelo Anthony would play for their team to the New Jersey Nets. “We’ve been working on this for a long time,” said Knicks President Donnie Walsh “and it’s a deal that helps both teams.” New York agreed to ship rumors that Carmelo Anthony would play for the Knicks to New Jersey, a team starved for back-page news. To sweeten the deal, New York added the possibility of Chauncy Billups and Richard Hamilton into the pot. In return the Nets will send 3 cases of Four Loko, and New York now has the rights to say they drafted Evan Eschmeyer in the 1999 draft instead of Frederic Weis.
“All the stars threaten to go to New York when negotiations with their team go sour,” said Jan from Secaucus. “For once we need the excitement and hope that kind of move makes here in New Jersey more than they do.” Other Net fans weren’t as happy. Brian from Hoboken commented, “We really don’t need this. We’re fine with the news as is. You know – Chris Christie botching the snow job while vacationing in Disney, the New Jersey Racing Bill. Add in the Arizona shooting, and we have plenty to talk about.”
Meanwhile for the Knicks, this trade frees up their fans to wildly fantasize about other superstars in the league, and bash the guy they were touting as a franchise savior just days before. “Carmelo is just another empty scorer with no defense,” said Jon from Manhattan. “He can’t play for D’Antoni without being able to knock down the three. Instead we need a top center like Dwight Howard to pair with Amar’e.”