It’s been a breathless several weeks of Steve Kerr wooing for the Knicks and so far their efforts have not been not requited. Naturally we all must know why. We must have other questions answered as well, like when will he decide? (WILL HE DECIDE?) How much money will he make? Where is he right now at this very moment? Why hasn’t he decided yet? What is his favorite fish to eat? Is he deciding right now? How about now?
I have endeavored to answer the most pressing questions for you here. I assume these are the most pressing questions, because the good reporters covering the situation make sure to answer them for us in 17 minute intervals. HERE IS WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:
1. Is Steve Kerr coach yet?
2. What about now?
Yes. Oh wait. No, no. Sorry.
3. Why isn’t he coach yet?
Because he still has to decide.
4. Is he deciding right now?
5. If he’s not deciding right now, what is he doing?
He’s “huddled” with his family.
6. Like, in a bunker?
No, in San Diego.
7. Is that where he lives?
8. But does he own a bunker?
If he’s prepared, but the reporters are still awaiting word from sources on this.
9. Are there some job openings available out on the West Coast?
Yep: Golden State and Los Angeles. The Jazz have a job opening too. Is Utah the West Coast?
10. Are Golden State or Utah threats to sign him?
11. Why not?
Because Phil has magical Phil powers that alchemically bond him to Kerr and ringz.
12. How many days are there between the next two games Kerr will call for TNT.
How ever many there are, it is possible that Kerr might decide during that time!
13. Is his agent Mike Tannenbaum, former New York Jets general manager, who has a reputation for being a hard-nosed negotiator?
14. What does his college coach from like 30 years ago say?
Lute Olsen thinks Kerr will join the Knicks.
15. His name is Lute?
Did I stutter?
16. OK, so when is this happening?
Here’s what sources were saying last week:
Here’s what they’re saying this week:
17. Is Kerr coach yet?