|Carmelo Anthony, SF 41 MIN | 10-23 FG | 2-3 FT | 4 REB | 7 AST | 2 STL | 1 BLK | 3 TO | 28 PTS | -8
FOR SALE >> CARS + TRUCKS >> 2003 LUXURY SPORTS UTILITY VEHICLE, 90K MILES
Plenty of mileage on it and doesn’t have the shine it did a few years ago but this versatile baby runs like a dream over all terrains, whether driving in heavy traffic or cruising long distances. Deals well with minor contact although more defensive driving is advisable. Every bit as great as it was when I drove it off the lot but I’m not living where I thought I would be so it doesn’t fit my life anymore; I doubt I’ll be driving it at all this May or June, for example. Trades will be considered as long as you offer me enough that I can justify it to my friends and family.
|Tyson Chandler, C 35 MIN | 4-7 FG | 2-2 FT | 14 REB | 1 AST | 0 STL | 3 BLK | 1 TO | 10 PTS | -8
HOUSING >> APTS/HOUSING >> 5 BED/4 BATH VICTORIAN
Spacious five-bedroom fixer-upper; so much property that it often seems like the only house in distinguished “The Lane” neighborhood. This house has been the foundation for the last few years of our lives and we have so many memories here that I can hardly imagine leaving it. We were warned about the possible need for major repairs when we bought the home but it held up surprisingly well until this past year. Now, the renovations are likely a longer-term process than makes sense for where we stand in our lives right now. The roof is leaking and the floorboards are creaking but with a little work it may well be good as new by year’s end. E-mail me if that’s the kind of risk that is worth it for you right now.
|Andrea Bargnani, C 28 MIN | 7-12 FG | 5-6 FT | 4 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 4 BLK | 5 TO | 20 PTS | +5
FOR SALE >> FURNITURE >> ELEGANT OVERSIZED ITALIAN ARMOIRE
The sleek, old-world elegance of a smaller unit in a much larger frame. It doesn’t really fit in most normally shaped rooms, but it’s really really big. The shelves are flimsy and tend to give under any weight but boy, is it big. It looks good from a distance but when you walk by and look at it up close every day you’ll realize that it’s pretty scuffed up and has some severe design flaws. On the other hand, it’s big.
|Raymond Felton, PG 31 MIN | 4-10 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 7 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 1 TO | 9 PTS | -9
COMMUNITY >> PETS >> PENGUIN
This is Raymond Felton’s season in a nutshell:
|Iman Shumpert, SG 34 MIN | 5-9 FG | 6-8 FT | 8 REB | 2 AST | 0 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 19 PTS | -19
FOR SALE >> ELECTRONICS >> FIRST-GENERATION IPAD, LIGHTLY USED
Got this thing in 2011 and boy was I excited. I’ve never been one to get the cool new electronic device right when it came out and my friends were all super jealous. A bunch of them even offered to buy it from me but I was having none of it, even when they offered way more than what it was probably actually worth. I loved the thing. Then, gradually, the newer models came out and Apple stopped updating the software for it as often and it got glitchy and I didn’t use it for what feels like almost a year. I’ve picked it back up lately and learned to do some new things with it but the feeling just isn’t the same anymore. With all the new technology that’s out there I can’t help but notice all the things it can’t do but for someone looking for a tablet that can do a couple of things very well and doesn’t need to be super-versatile, this could be a great deal.
|Pablo Prigioni, PG 17 MIN | 0-0 FG | 0-0 FT | 3 REB | 4 AST | 2 STL | 0 BLK | 0 TO | 0 PTS | +5
FOR SALE >> CD/DVD/VHS >> LIKE-NEW COPY OF “FLASHDANCE” ON LASER-DISC!
You wanna talk about a classic? You wanna talk emotion? You wanna talk about losing yourself in the all-consuming power of dance? Pop this vintage disc into that old laser disc player in your attic and transport yourself to a world of hope and heart and power and DANCE DANCE DANCE! Has it seen better days? Will it occasionally freeze up at the exact moment when it has the most apparent of opportunities to deeply move you? Will it inspire a strong niche following that baffles the majority who see it as generally unremarkable? Sure. Whatever. You know better.
|Tim Hardaway Jr., SG 16 MIN | 2-5 FG | 1-1 FT | 1 REB | 0 AST | 1 STL | 0 BLK | 1 TO | 6 PTS | +13
FOR SALE >> ELECTRONICS >> CURRENT-GENERATION IPAD, LIGHTLY USED
Psych! Not for sale! So, so much better than that iPad I, this thing is gonna be my go-to tablet for the next 10 years! Will definitely always seem this great.
|J.R. Smith, SG 34 MIN | 5-16 FG | 1-4 FT | 3 REB | 3 AST | 1 STL | 2 BLK | 1 TO | 14 PTS | +5
FOR SALE >> INDUSTRIAL SUPPLY >> 10,000-GALLON DRUM OF GASOLINE
Gasoline! Who doesn’t love it? Looking for a quick burst of energy? Gasoline! Things not running quite right? Gasoline! Need to power yourself through a tough spot? Gasoline, Gasoline, Gasoline! More valuable than water and twice as good an investment so drink it, bathe in it, smoke it, even put it in your car’s gasoline tank!*
* Note: Assumes you are not a carbon-based life form, never light any open flames in your home, are immune to fumes, have no small children….you know what, forget the risks. YOLO. Buy this giant fucking vat of gasoline and worry about the doubters later.
FOR SALE >> ELECTRONICS >> CB RADIO
Available cheap: I no longer have much use for it since everyone has tuned it out.
One Thing We Saw
- Chop it up and sell it for parts.