Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Author: max fisher-cohen

In addition to writing for Knickerblogger, Max teaches English at Tallahassee Community College and writes short stories. He recently finished a feature screenplay, and he is working right now to raise the funds to film it. You can check it out on Kickstarter.

Recent Articles

The Architect of Your Misery

Fellow Citizens of Knick: The influence of our Great Leader is wide, but I have found safety from his agents in the small town of Tallahassee, Florida, five hundred miles from the nearest Dolan stronghold of Miami, where the watchful eye of Great Leader’s right hand man, Isiah Thomas, is everywhere. I write to you today from exile, but also in solidarity, in faith that as impotent as the truth may seem right now, it is still important, more important than anything. As Buddha once said, “Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.” Since …continue reading

The Last of the Melo-hicans

Once upon a time, in the midst of Melo hysteria, this blog seemed like the sole bastion of reason. Mike Kurylo argued on more than one occasion that we should temper our expectations, that while Melo could improve the team, whether he would and just how much he would was an open question (1, 2). I don’t bring this up just to stir up poop. I do it to point out the irony of the phase shift that is already beginning to occur. By the end of this season, KnickerBlogger’s constituency may contain some of the last of the Melo-hicans. …continue reading

2012 Game Preview: Knicks @ Raptors

The “Quick Reaction” format premiered the last time we met the Raptors. It was in NYC, a five point loss, and in it, Mike Kurylo poetically promised us that: It’s not time to panic. Thomas B.’s response was, If I may quote the esteemed galactic Senator Jar Jar Binks: “Monsters out there, leaking in here. Weesa all sinking and no power. Whena yousa thinking we are in trouble?”   For a time, Jar Jar and Thomas B.’s concerns proved prescient. The Knicks went on to lose twelve of their next eighteen contests. Then, a New Hope was born. Jeremy Lin, …continue reading

The Daily Lin: The Future of the Nation of D’Anmelarélinson

There has been lots of talk of the regrets that previous GMs must be having now that Lin appears to be for real, yo. “How could a guy like this go undrafted?” “How could he have been waived by all thirty-six teams, including the Anchorage Yetis?” “Fire all the GMs!” Maybe the appropriate place to start answering this question is by looking at Lin’s numbers this season and last: Season Minutes Played Points/36 Assists/36 AST% TS% USG% Steals/36 Turnovers/36 2010-11 284 9.6 5.3 20.5% 45.8% 15.7% 4.2 2.3 2011-12 171 22.5 8.7 47.2% 61.3% 29.3% 1.7 4.0 That is quite the …continue reading

Clyde & Tommy, An APBRmetrics Sci-Fi Tale (Part II)

Part II, The Script When the final horn echoes through the arena, Tommy Heinsohn only allows himself thirty seconds to savor the moment. He counts the seconds down, just as he’d counted down from 4.1 seconds to 0.6 seconds moments earlier, and in that time, the exponentiality of the curve of his smile grows larger and larger. This is a measured act, and when he is through, he nods, stands, and makes his way towards Walt Clyde Frazier. As he touches the shoulder of Frazier’s taupe polyester suit, there is a flash of light, and again the two find themselves …continue reading

Clyde & Tommy, An APBRmetrics Sci-Fi Tale (Part I)

Part I, The Event. It was fifty-five degrees in Boston that night, but inside Corporate Sponsor Garden it was much warmer, and that wasn’t just because the thermostat was set at seventy degrees. No, there had been a geological Event at the arena, two teams tectonically grinding against one another for forty-eight minutes. Unbeknownst to one another, our heroes, Walter “Clyde” Frazier and Thomas William Heinsohn, both emerge from the magmatic arena at precisely 9:48pm. Also unbeknownst to the pair is the fact that the energy from The Event has unlocked a mysterious force, and that force will be the …continue reading

Math Soup for the Soul: Possibilities for Eastern Conference Playoff Seeding

These days, the comment section of Knickerblogger is filled with exchanges like this: “Good god. The Knicks are a combined 1-4 against teams below .500 since the Carmelo Anthony trade! Our defense looks like swiss cheese carved into the shape of a matador!” “Oh please. They are 6-2 against teams OVER .500. Which group do you think we’ll be playing against in the playoffs?” For better or for worse, KnickerBloggeristas are married to Carmelo Anthony, and that commitment has understandably made a lot of folks anxious. I figure, what better way to get control of our emotions than to turn …continue reading