Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Author: Kevin McElroy

Kevin McElroy watches the Knicks and owns a computer.

Recent Articles


Philadelphia 76ers 110 Final Recap | Box Score 106 New York Knicks Carmelo Anthony, SF 41 MIN | 10-23 FG | 2-3 FT | 4 REB | 7 AST | 2 STL | 1 BLK | 3 TO | 28 PTS | -8 FOR SALE >> CARS + TRUCKS >> 2003 LUXURY SPORTS UTILITY VEHICLE, 90K MILES Plenty of mileage on it and doesn’t have the shine it did a few years ago but this versatile baby runs like a dream over all terrains, whether driving in heavy traffic or cruising long distances. Deals well with minor contact although more …continue reading

Knicks 102, Sixers 92


New York Knicks 102 Final Recap | Box Score 92 Philadelphia 76ers Kenyon Martin, PF 27 MIN | 4-5 FG | 0-0 FT | 8 REB | 3 AST | 0 STL | 2 BLK | 3 TO | 8 PTS | +3 Kenyon Martin should not be as important to a team in 2014 as he is to these Knicks but holy hell is he ever. Showed off a mid-range game tonight and made a couple of key passes to go along with his normal rebounds-defense-enforcement act. His flagrant was only probably even a foul on him and was …continue reading

Well Then…

Today, roughly 3 months and 10,000 jokes too late, the Knicks waived Chris Smith.  Then, this happened: The hardest part about writing this post is knowing where to start so forgive me if these aren’t in order of importance but here’s what I’ve got: 1) First, there’s nothing fun (for me) about being a gossip columnist and I don’t like speculating about what is in the heads of other people (least of all people like JR Smith whose thought process tends at times to be, shall we say, unconventional) but I’d appreciate if we can all just assume away the …continue reading

Wiz 102, Knicks 101: The Coach

I’m typing this sentence because it’s been 40 minutes since Mike Woodson burned his last bridge with Knicks fans and I don’t feel like staring at a blank page any longer.  And I’m typing this sentence because life is about moving on and making the best of it even when things aren’t going your way which, incidentally, is exactly the reason that Woodson shouldn’t be the Knicks’ coach by the time I wake up tomorrow morning. It’s not personal with Coach Woodson, even if it starts to feel that way on nights like tonight.  Nights when we wince at the …continue reading

Knicks 83, Bulls 78

“The armies separated; and, it is said, Pyrrhus replied to one that gave him joy of his victory that one more such victory would utterly undo him.” – Plutarch “Some speak of the future. My love she speaks softly. She knows there’s no success like failure. And that failure’s no success at all.” – Bob Dylan, “Love Minus Zero” “The only victories which leave no regret are those which are gained over ignorance.”  – Napoleon Bonaparte Fifteen times this season the Knicks have been outscored by their opponent.  Tonight’s contest — composed as it was of a comprehensively fulfilling start that gave way to …continue reading

Knicks 121, Magic 83


Orlando Magic 83 Final Recap | Box Score 121 New York Knicks Kenyon Martin, PF 20 MIN | 1-3 FG | 1-2 FT | 4 REB | 0 AST | 0 STL | 2 BLK | 0 TO | 3 PTS | +6 It ain’t easy being the only help defender on a team that isn’t exactly the best at staying in front of ballhandlers or cutters in the first place. He filled that role nicely tonight but his run of puzzlingly mediocre rebounding on a team that has so few other plus rebounders also continued. Becoming clearer and clearer …continue reading


Play along at home! This [A PART OF THE DAY], the Knicks suffered a [“Frustrating”/”Embarrassing”] loss at the hands of [NBA TEAM].  A rough start, characterized by [Choose at least three of “Poor shooting,” “Lackluster interior defense,” “A lack of ball movement,” “Inability to protect the defensive glass,” “Turnovers and fouls”] saw the Knicks fall behind by [NUMBER BETWEEN 8 AND 25].  The bench provided [“little”/”no]” help, as JR Smith’s performance was [“uneven”/”total dogshit”] and interior muscle was provided by [“nobody”/”absolutely nobody”]. In the [“second”/”third”/”fourth”/”imaginary non-existent”] quarter, Carmelo helped make up some of the deficit through a nice stretch of …continue reading