Statistical Analysis. Humor. Knicks.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Author: Robert Silverman

Hey, did you know that in addition to banging the keys here and occasionally for the NY Times and at ESPN, Robert is a playwright, an actor and a wand'ring mendicant/gadfly? He also once wrestled a bear...and lost.

Recent Articles

Heat 106, Knicks 91

Miami Heat 106 Final Recap | Box Score 91 New York Knicks Well, we knew once the Florida_Men got eviscerated by the OKC Frackers on Thursday that they’d be loaded for bear, what with the national broadcast and celebrities of all shapes and sizes in town for the Crypto-FascistGroundAcquisitionWarBall [h/t Robert Downey Jr.] Championship Game tomorrow. Seriously, look at the freaking Lombardi trophy—it’s like Albert Speer designed the thing in the midst of his worst Benzedrine-fueled, feverish, sleepless night. But I digress. Where were we? Oh yes. The MSG staff tasked with determining what Q-rating merits what choice, high-visibility seat …continue reading

Knicks 110, Lakers 103: COGNITIVE BIASES

Los Angeles Lakers 103 FinalRecap | Box Score 110 New York Knicks Carmelo Anthony, SF 40 MIN | 14-31 FG | 5-6 FT | 4 REB | 5 AST | 0 STL | 1 BLK | 2 TO | 35 PTS | +8Half empty: 35? PFFT. WHATEVS. ON 31 SHOTS, MANG. BIG WHOOP. MY WRINKLY-ASS GRAMMA COULD SCORE THIRTY-FREAKING FIVE POINTS AGAINST THIS LAKERS TEAM. ANYONE TAKE A GANDER AT WHO WAS GUARDING HIM, THIS GUY? HAHAHAHAHAH AT LEAST HE GOT SOME FREAKING DIMES. LOOKIT THIS. 6.5 ASSIST OPPORTUNITIES PER GAME. BLAME IT ON THE REST OF HIS TEAMMATES SUDDENLY …continue reading

Nets 103, Knicks 80

Brooklyn Nets 103 Final Recap | Box Score 80 New York Knicks Yep, it’s grade-free time again. We’re like a freaking Montessori school around these parts. What we’re left with is a short (snuff) film that really encapsulates this dilapidated, rusted clown car of a season (too many clowns, yo). In case you had much better things to do on MLK Day (like, I dunno, drinking a BJ’s Price Club-sized jug of Windex, ripping off all your clothes, howling like a would-be Lycanthrope and running headlong into a fairly busy interstate, screaming obscenities at the incoming traffic), here it is, …continue reading

Knicks 98, Suns 96

Phoenix Suns 96 Final Recap | Box Score 98 New York Knicks Raymond Felton, PG 44 MIN | 8-16 FG | 1-2 FT | 1 REB | 1 AST | 1 STL | 1 BLK | 2 TO | 19 PTS | +7 There are going to be a ton of caveats in this one, so please gird your loins. If you don’t have a metal stucco loin-girder, use a carbon-fiber loin-girder. Let’s start with the poor ol’ Penguin. Yes, he hit more than his share of step back 20 footers (and I hated every man jack of them), and …continue reading

Rockets 102, Knicks 100: Starring JR Smith in the Captivating Feature Film, Gravity

New York Knicks 100 Final Recap | Box Score 102 Houston Rockets AMBROSIA SALAD Total Time: 2 hr 30 min Prep: 30 min Inactive: 2 hr 0 min Yield: 6 servings Ingredients 1/2 cup heavy cream 1 tablespoon sugar 4 ounces sour cream 6 ounces homemade mini marshmallows, approximately 3 cups 1 cup clementine orange segments, approximately 6 clementines 1 cup chopped fresh pineapple 1 cup freshly grated coconut 1 cup toasted, chopped pecans 1/2 cup drained maraschino cherries Directions Place the cream and sugar into the bowl of a stand mixer with the whisk attachment and whip until stiff …continue reading

At The Classical: Theater of Pain — The Knicks as Performance Art

Over at The Classical, I wrote about the Knicks and Performance art (for serious) Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe RT @TheRealJRSmith: We lose an I take 1 shit y'all mad we win I take 23 shots y'all mad! Lol #OHWELL — Robert Silverman (@BobSaietta) December 19, 2013 If you’d attended a performance called Accidens (Matar Para Comer) at the Prelude Festival five years ago, here is what you would have happened: you walk into a bare, stage- and set-free room—this is at the City University of New York—to find a man sitting in a chair and smoking a cigar off …continue reading

Raptors 95, Knicks 83: Some Thoughts on Boredom.

Toronto Raptors 95 Final Recap | Box Score 83 New York Knicks Back when I was in High School, I wrote for the paper. We called our lil’ rag “Zeitgeist,” because we were full of all of the hubris and youth, and fancied the notion that reviews of school plays and or random jeremiads calling for the principal’s head on a pike because he wouldn’t reveal our fine, hoary (Columbia Prep is the oldest non-denominational private school in the history of the United States. For serious) institution of learning’s investments to see if we could further tie him to a …continue reading