Steve Carmichael (@Carmichael15):
Can we just move on and enjoy the game?

sorry, I crossposted, but yeah, happy to.

“After picking up a huge, although ugly win over the Philadelphia 76ers. ”

sentence fragment, and there should be a comma after ugly. also, as I said above, I disagree strongly with calling that win ‘ugly’.

“The Knicks hit the road to challenge the struggling Memphis Grizzlies….The Knicks are winners of four in a row, meanwhile the Grizzlies are on the other side of the spectrum, losers of three straight.”

all fine.

“The Lowdown – The Knicks are the superior team in this contest. ”

really debatable, oddsmakers don’t agree, Hollinger doesn’t agree, Memphis went farther in the playoffs last year, they’re at home, Knicks are less rested, etc.

“Especially with former Knick, Zach Randolph out 6-8 weeks with a slightly torn MCL. ”

another sentence fragment with no verb, and an unnecessary comma before Zach.

“The Grizzlies are by no means an offensive juggernaut. Rudy Gay is their high scorer but only obtains a 44.8 TS%. With an offensive rating of 97.9, Memphis ranks near the basement in that category (27th). ”

there are tons of better ways to phrase that first sentence, since you go on to say how you believe they have one of the few worst offenses in the league. why introduce a negative? go with something like “The Grizzlies have been an offensive disaster so far this year.” (or an offensive offense, heh).

“The Knicks have bombarded teams this season with surprisingly good defense, leading to a top ten placement in defensive rating (7th).”

again, as was stated above, the strength of schedule between the two teams has been so massive as to make these rankings mostly meaningless.

” With the continuation of sound defense, I see no alternative outcome but a Knicks victory. ”

this is the sentence that made me post initially, though. really? you can’t possibly see Memphis winning a low scoring game? of course you can.

hope that helps…

Caleb: That is terrible advice.

Would it support or undermine MY advice to say I’m a professional journalist?

agreed, easily the worst post of the thread.

PC:

Steve! Do not change your writing in any way!!!!!

I was a journalism student and sports editor for 3 years in college. I know what you are going through. Only take advice from those you work with. Bloggers, readers and critics have zero qualifications to tell you how to write. You will learn by writing everyday and time and experience will mold your style of writing.

Please don’t change what you’re doing. Your write up was fine. You chose the knicks and you gave us your reasons for doing so – I can’t imagine what you did wrong. Your style will emerge without you ever knowing it.

That is terrible advice.

Would it support or undermine MY advice to say I’m a professional journalist?

PC:

Bloggers, readers and critics have zero qualifications to tell you how to write.

The strength of this site is the fact that the readership demands such high quality. I expect that the folks here will let me (or any author) know when they feel something isn’t up to snuff.

So I’m sorry, PC, but I heartily disagree when you say that Bloggers, etc. have ZERO qualifications. The people who write and comment here are certainly qualified to determine what does or does not make for a good KB article. Their criticism (productive criticism) is essential to what the site does, just as we don’t accept it when someone posts, “D’ANTONI SUX! MELO ROOLZ. AMIRITE?”

Steve Carmichael (@Carmichael15): I completely understand where the predictive criticism comes from. I apologize and from now on, will be much more informative and less going for the throat with predictions. I need criticism to learn, so any comments on how to improve myself as a writer and what readers are looking for are recommended.

Steve! Do not change your writing in any way!!!!!

I was a journalism student and sports editor for 3 years in college. I know what you are going through. Only take advice from those you work with. Bloggers, readers and critics have zero qualifications to tell you how to write. You will learn by writing everyday and time and experience will mold your style of writing.

Please don’t change what you’re doing. Your write up was fine. You chose the knicks and you gave us your reasons for doing so – I can’t imagine what you did wrong. Your style will emerge without you ever knowing it.